All in all? Dibney is an immaculate place. Clean shaven kids in uniforms walk around the park all day with dustbins picking up errant gum wrappers. This is not to say you can’t find filth, in the corners and under tables in dining areas, where ducks gather looking for handouts, where squirrels and lizards scavenge discarded wrappers seeking traces of cold greasy french fries.

Agents who oppoose the Dibney empire are there daily sprinkling those areas of filth with traces of a powder called Musttouchuim, an element refined from the ore Attractolite. Musttouchium is one of the trans-300 elements like Illyrium, and it has a respectable half-life, so all day, all over Dibney, you can see toddlers queing up to touch areas of filth that disgust even the strongest stomach. They can’t help it, the all powerful magnetisim of musttouchuim drags their fingers to it as inexorably as a tornado to a trailer park, and they are powerless to resist. Thankfully, Dibney has plenty of washrooms.

For some reason, the enemies of Dibney also sprinkle musttouchium on the handrails and chains leading to rides. At that height, even teenagers are affected, because you regularly see older kids hanging on these rails and chains, and we often had to rescue the oglet from heeling over backwards while balanced on a chain. I have never met nor seen any of these enemy Dibney agents, but I suspect them to be employees of competing bemusement parks.