Suck, and they suck more than the vacuum of intergalactic space. All of it, at once. Face it, you can’t get there from here, wherever there is. And it’s all due to the wonderful planning of road construction companies and the municipalities that employ them.

It now takes me, on average, 4.5 hours, roundtrip. To go 110 miles, 55 each way. Not a day goes by that I do not have the overwhelming urge to grab ten or twelve construction workers, tie them to my trailer hitch, and drag them through traffic at high speed, paying particular attention to the areas rife with potholes that are NOT BEING REPAIRED while PERFECTLY GOOD SECtIONS OF ROAD ARE DESTROYED AND REBUILT.

I know its not their fault entirely, it is the brainchild of morons who schedule these projects lest their budgets be cut.

Cut their budgets. Fuck them. Fuck them with a ben-gay soaked saguaro cactus. Fuck them with a flaming porcupine. Fuck the morons who decided that the 83rd street toll plaza (which has JUST BEEN FINISHED IN THE LAST YEAR) needs to be torn apart six lanes wide for two miles in each direction so that they can put in a high speed Ipass. There is nobody on planet earth I despise more than the morons responsible for the 5.3 million dollar congestion relief plan put in place by the Illinois Tollway System,. and I have to say, right now, I have thoughts unbecoming a christian. Shit, I have thoughts unbecoming a Nazi; i keep thinking thoughts of protracted disembowling and deep frying epithelial nerves with boiling safflower oil to make a sort of “blooming idiot” (like a “blooming onion” only you do it to an idiot)who only requires the right sauce to be unspeakably toothsome. I bet that would really, really hurt, and I hope I can do the whole epithelium without causing death.

Shit, was that out loud? Sorry. Hey, a guy has to have his dreams.