Yesterday someone I respect
accused me of having a mischevous streak.
I was only briefly taken aback as he cleaned the pudding out of his hair, and realized he was probably correct. I don’t like to see people in pain… well, I don’t like to see most people in pain…
Actually I would rather not see the people I care about in any pain, but to watch it on TV or to take pleasure in someone’s discomfort is a distinctly human characteristic. This is why slapstick continues to be popular, why I’m looking forward to the Three Stooges movie, why I love Jackass, why I like seeing the look on people’s faces when they realize I’ve krazy glued the soles of their feet together as they slept.
A guy who will buy a quart of Cyanoacrilate glue is a guy who will buy seven pounds of gunpowder, keep tons of fertilizer where he can put his hands on it easily, or carry a gallon container of Icy Hot in his car.
Animals don’t get humor. Oh, I’m sure animals can be amused, but they don’t get humor the way humans get it. I mean, if you strut out a bunch of funny things in front of the average housecat, it just gets confused. Witness:
Primates come closer. I mean, even monkeys understand scatalogical humor
If this isn’t proof of Man’s evolution from ape I can’t tell what would be.
And, unlike the average liberal, an ape can be trained to do higher level humor
Anyway, humor is the only thing these days that keeps me from showing up somewhere with a quart of crazy glue and some cannon fuse.
So what do you do with a gallon of Icy Hot? We make that where I work I might need to know.
Jockstraps. Toilet seats. Coffee cups. Anti perspirant. Preparation H. You get the picture.
I knew it.
Humour is an interupted defnese mechanism. Punch someone in the kisser or laugh. Usually we laugh.
Not sure about the cannon fuse though. Could be a pretty good set up.
Og, don’t forget the Icy Hot mixed into a tube of Vagisil.
New and exciting ways to make lifelong enemies!
Or, to serve cumuppence upon some vile misandrist who totally deserves it.
Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX
1.Fill jock strap with Nair
2.Allow to dry overnight
3.Victim participates in mile run
4.Sweat reconstitutes Nair
5.Hilarity ensues
Vaseline on doorknob so when someone (OK, my sister) slams her bedroom door she can’t get out.
Cobalt Chloride in shower heads to turn the jocks into giant Smurfs.
Butane lighter in exhaust pipe … well, lights up their life.
Ya, lots of people looking forward to meeting me in a dark alley.
Not sure where this places me on the evolutionary ladder but that chimp falling over is hilarious. I guess it is somewhere below Englishman.
Trick known in most every restaurant.
Learned it working in a hotel some years ago.
Take one fish, preferably one that’s gotten a bit of age on it.
Place beneath the flame spreader of the broiler. The fish will not be visible without removing the grill grates and the flame spreader but will be warmed by the pilot light for the next six to twelve hours.
Particularly effective if the grill cook has gone out for a few after his last service.
BGM