On self sufficiency
Pascal commmented to me privately that he liked the crustacean aphorism, and I am impressed that Joan likes it, and I want to expand on it.
 As I stated earlier, it is children that are most in need of the “Exoskeleton” of rules, a framework in which you keep them until such time as they have developed adequate maturity to venture on their own. Based on the child, you can allow more or les freedom as the situation requires, but something very powerful is missing from our society that has, I feel, been to our detriment.
 The rite of passage.
Many religions have rites of passage associated with them, and many of those rites are focused on coming of age; the spiritual change from the child to an adult, the final molting of the exoskeleton and transferring support from the exoskeleton to the endoskeleton the inductees parents hope he/she has grown well enough!!
 In the Bar Mitzvah the celebrant begins “Today I am a man” and his father praises the Lord that he is no longer responsible for his son who is now old enough to accept responsibility for himself. In Christian Confirmation the celebrant is tapped on the face by the Bishop, and given a new “Adult” name. In some cultures it is circumcision, or bungee jumping. (I’m not making that up) .
Some individuals experience that rite of passage for themselves, in other ways. Ask anyone who has entered the military if that isn’t a dramatic rite of passage. And some people find their own moment- the day you opened your eyes on a world much different from the day before, for whatever reason that happened to you.
 Our world is bereft of those rites of passage, these days. We don’t celebrate adulthood, we teach our children to remain perpetual brats. And lord, do they ever. Instead of stripping off the chitinous covering of Law and relishing freedom, they pull it further about themselves and intend to force you to do so too; secure in the knowledge that the best of all possible worlds is to be protected by Nanny Government from all harm.
Â
it will be a hard comeuppance. I almost feel sorry for them. Almost.
14 comments Og | Uncategorized
Well, look at what we DO with our kids. First, eighteen years of “schooling”, only the first four or five of which MAY be the parents responsibility (maybe less than that, with day-care, etc). Then, another four years of schooling. Then, if they majored in something like Women’s Studies or anything with the word “studies” in it, they go on to grad school for another 4-6 years. So they’re approaching their 30th birthday, have never held a full-time paid job, have no real-world experience, so they most likely (1) take a job a teaching job at the college they attended, allowing them to make MORE useless adults, or (2) move back in with their parents while they become “self employed” selling trinkets they whittled from acorns while they “find themselves”. Oh yeah, then they take up skateboarding for a little excitement, and knock their teeth out learning that they really ARE gravity’s bitch. The teeth will, of course, be replaced by government supplied “free” dental care.
Regarding rites of passage, it used to be that High School graduation was one such. It meant you were an adult, you would now either get a job, or if you were super smart you’d go to college where you’d be trained for a better job. You also got your first car, maybe as a graduation present, for which YOU were responsible for gas, insurance, and replacement if you wrecked it.
Indeed, mark. And as Joanna says, the appreciation for anything of real value dissapears- I’m certainly right with her on that.
Mike Rowe’s Mikeroweworks is a great example of how that attitude canbe countered.
yeah, HS grad used to do that, but now even college grad ceremonies are just waypoints on the trip toward perpetual studenthood, peter pan writ large.
I was 21, still in college, and increasingly chaffing at the “as long as you live under my roof” rules laid down by my pappy. One morning he and I had a HUGE dust-up over some inconsequential matter. I was NOT going to back down. Just as it was about to go to fisticuffs, our noses an inch apart, I suddenly came to my senses and actually thought to myself “This house is not big enough for two MEN”. I moved out shortly thereafter, finished skewl and never looked back.
I know a few boys who lived with their parents until their 30’s. A real Man could never do that.
Gee, I don’t know. I mean, I spent my 18th. Birthday in Navy Bootcamp. And when I came back home for Leave, it seems all my High School Buddies were still acting like Kids.
Just like the Current President.
Actually Libs, staying with ones parents while they’re still alive is one of the things that is implied by the 5th Commandment. Like you, I thought more of myself being away. But in reality, finding ways to live with them is actually to your benefit. Trust me, I know how hard it can be. In my case it was Mom; Dad was reasonable.
I’d undoubtedly would have had a different life had I stayed at or near home. And I have no complaints; and I found ways to honor the folks in other ways. But there really isn’t anyway to square the circle in that there was a period where I did not honor them, and I am receiving payback. Pay me now or pay me later.
Don’t get me wrong. My pappy was and still is my BFF. We hunted, fished, rebuilt engines, etc… together. He and I would play catch for HOURS. My peers were extremely jealous of the relationship I had with pappy growing up. Several of them told me how they wished they had that kind of relationship with their fathers. Moving out was the hardest fkn thing I’ve ever done. I knew how good I had it. I didn’t want to move out. I had to.
One paddock ain’t big enough for two stallions.
Les, I didn’t spend my 18th at boot camp, but was there about 3 months later. Had already signed the papers a month before I turned 18 (Mom didn’t talk to Dad for about 3 months when he signed away his permission for me to enter prior to 18…but that is another story.)
In any case, I had no real beefs with either parent, but have to agree with libs, there was not enough room in the house for two grown men. (Though I did have more growing to do at that point) And I was more than ready to take off and see what was beyond the next hill, and never looked back.
Came home on leave about a year or so later, after having spent a year overseas (Iceland) and commented to mom, over a morning cup o coffee, that although the house still held lots of memories, and that I knew I was always welcome there … that I had come to realize it was no longer MY home. My home was with the Navy (or where ever I hung my hat. And bless her heart, she understood that. A much smaller “right of passage” than boot camp, but an important one none the less.
It should be noted, there are some exceptions to “returning to the nest”…. if one is able. Having a place to back up and regroup should the need arise (short term of course), or coming back to take care of a parent who is no longer able to do so completely on their own. (We did that with Deb’s mom) So not all who return to their (or their spouses) homes are necessarily dead beats.
I think scouting, when done well, develops a sense of self sufficiency, as well as practical skills. The difference as boys enter cubs scouts and young men transfer into Boy Scouts is pretty impressive. And a good Boy Scout troop will really helps a young man mature.
Indeed- and scouting has several built in rites of passage as well.
Og,
Thanks for this entry and the previous one. Struck a positive note with me. HS graduate, tried one year of VMI, joined the Army for twenty years.
And I was a Drill Sergeant for two years. Good God was that a mission of pain, and I’m not talking about the trainees. There are some lazy parents that I would still like to find and point out, systematically, the mistakes they made with Little Joe Tentpeg.
Hunter
Alaska
Hunter, you should have seen the look of surprise the first time I told my boys to drop and give me twenty. And the look on their mother’s face when the old fart (that would be me) was still able to whip off 40 well past 40.
Les, son was 22 when joined the Army. Got through boot and AIT, then to his first duty station. First time came home on leave, just before he left said something about how many of his friends ‘were still acting like dumbass teenagers’. And things he’d said to a couple of them.
Couldn’t decide whether to be more horrified at the fate of those friends, or damn glad we did something right while raising him.
Yup, bootcamp.
Treated like a man, paid like a man, worked like a man.
Damn, I am a MAN!
Man, “liked the crustacean aphorism” is the worst euphemism …