I doubt I can be surprised
but I can be startled. Twice Saturday I scared up snakes- the first time I walked back to the Cushman and there was one laying right where I had been laying. At this point I was wearing Crocs and since I nearly stepped on the bastard I treated partner to a couple of steps of the traditional dance of my peoples. The second time we were putting some spare dirt on a hole where a stump is rotting, and a snake [popped out of there. I would have never done a thing except he turned and threatened me, and I decided, small though he was, he had crossed over the “live and let live” line. Both were thamnopis in nature, common as dirt and they swarm on my yard at certain times of the year.
I am at this point moved to share with you some wisdom from Josh Billings, from “the complete works”
STRIPED SNAKE.
The striped snake iz one ov the slipperyest jobs that natur ever turned loose.
They travel on the lower side ov themselfs, and kan slip out ov sight like blowing out a kandle. They were made for sum good purpose, but i never hav bin informed for what, unless it waz tew hav their heds smashed.
They are sed tew be innocent, but they hav got a bad reputashun, and all the innocence in the world won’t kure a bad reputashun.
They liv in the grass but seldom git stept on, bekauze they don’t stay long enuff in the right place.
p. 130
When i waz a little boy, and wore naked feet, and waz loafing around loose for strawberrys, i waz often times just a going tew step on a striped snaik, but it alwus cured me ov strawberrys.If a striped snaik got into a 10-aker lot before i did, i alwus konsidered that all the strawberrys in that lot belonged tew the snaik.
“Fust cum, fust sarve,†was mi motto.
I am just az fraid ov snaiks now az i waz 40 years ago, and if i should liv tew be az old az Nebudkennezer waz, and go tew grass as he did, one striped snaik would spile 50 akers ov good pasture for me.
Wimmin don’t luv snaiks enny more than i do, and i respekt her for this.
How on earth Eve waz seduced by a snaik, iz a fust class mistery tew me, and if i hadn’t read it in the bible, i would bet aginst it.
I beleave everything thare iz in the bible, the things i kant understand, I beleave the most.
I wouldn’t swop oph the phaith i hav got for any living man’s knoweledge.
Snaiks are all sorts, and all sizes, and the smaller they are, the more i am afrade ov them.
I wouldn’t buy a farm at haff price that had a striped snaik on it.
Ded snaik are a weakness with me; i always respekt them, and whenever i see a ded one in the road, i dont drop a tear on him, but i drop another stone on him, for fear he might alter his mind and cum tew life agin, for a snaik hates tew die just az much az a kat duz.
I never could ackount for a snaik or a kat hateing tew die so bad, unless it waz bekauze they waz so poorly prepared for deth
Speaking of snakes, if you haven’t read Cole and Bunch’s Sten series (which they wrote as the result of a bad case of pissoff at all the totalitarianism fellating happening in the sci-fi community), you should. Theres a Spotted Snake story in there that will have your sides aching.
“If a striped snaik got into a 10-aker lot before i did, i alwus konsidered that all the strawberrys in that lot belonged tew the snaik.”
Pretty much sums up my position on the subject. Something’s just not right about an animal that can run across a bare dirt patch or a road about as fast as I can, and it with no legs while I have two.
Killed a whole passel of snakes once that had homesteaded a well. They were the local bull snake which is mostly bluster.
I can never remember the ryhmn on striped snakes so they all get a wide birth, unless I can drop a rock on it.
With all the rain we’ve had there’s now a fine crop of copperheads and rattlesnakes (three varieties here in Georgia! THREE!)
And with the higher lake levels people are seeing water moccasins in the damnedest spots.
All in all, it’s a grand season for snakes this year. And it’s not even an election year.
One of our local reporters was cleaning storm debris out of his gutters yesterday and got bit — it was quite the news piece, they also interviewed the ER doctor, who allowed they had seen quite a few snakebite victims of late. Apparently even lying in a hospital bed reporters don’t get the day off.
As for me, I need to do yard work but since I tell to yell ‘SNAKE!” at such times and then do something rash, I might wait until it’s a little less snakeprone. December might do it.
Jenny
Have friends who live on five acres outside down; the Mrs. hates snakes and their son has succumbed to it. Except change ‘hates’ to ‘scared shitless of’.
Last time I was out he spotted one in the shed where they keep the mowers and came flying back for help. I went with him, and was specifically asked “You ARE carrying your gun, aren’t you?”
Which led to a discussion of shooting holes in the barn wall for, from his description, a blacksnake that I wouldn’t shoot in any case. He wasn’t happy.