I know. I really do.
Look, I know you appreciate that I have fixed your car. Or your watch. Or put a new bulb in your light fixture, or broken into your desk drawer when you locked your purse AND keys in there again. Or any of the other half million things I do for any of the misandrist dipwads I know.
Please, God, do not cook anythng for me. I’m confident your grandmother’s recipe for kringligkflahnorkflokie is the bomb in the Old Country, but I do not recognize it as food, it smells like something I dug out of my navel after an all night session of horizontal mambo with a pakistani gymnast, and it has stained the tupperware container irretrievably. Your thanks is really, really all I need, and even that is better at a distance, I guarantee. Bake cookies if you must, and don’t be offended if I share them with my co workers, but no secret cantonese-swedish fusion recipes, no hungarian goulash made from fresh marmoset sinuses, nothing.
If you’re desperate to thank me somehow, a simple handjob will suffice. Or show me your tits. Or not so much.
14 comments Og | Uncategorized
Note to self: Don’t ask Og for help. The price is too high. -shudder-
Not to high, he really asks for nothing beyond thanks. And if you are a guy, a promise to help should you ever be needed.
Given Og’s talents I’m sure that debt will never be called.
Paul: Shermlock has met me in meatspace, and knows just what a nightmare it would be to even get up close and personal. On the other hand, as you rightly point out, I really just want to be thanked, and even then…..
The last paragraph was to ward off the truly repulsive.
I very simple rate sheet. No negotiation on price needed.
I concur with Sherm. :)
Hey! As A PROUD Hungarian-American (what? I can’t become Hyphenated? Everyone else is!), I resent the fact that chose to disparage the use of Fresh Marmoset Sinuses in Goulash!
You Sir, ARE FLAT OUT WRONG!
Every one KNOWS that they need to Marinated First!
Philistine.
Speaking of cooking, and knowing I am addressing a man who loves both Black Forest Ham and Black Forest Bacon, I would like to point out that Gin is also predominently flavored with Juniper Berries.
Being sloshed on the latter and short on the former, my subconscious is naturally hammering out a Trinity Singularity involving all three.
Just as soon as it finishes figuring out how to cam a chainsaw engine to a pair of manual hedge shears.
Randy:
http://compare.ebay.com/like/350587442244?var=lv<yp=AllFixedPriceItemTypes&var=sbar
No need to invent something you can buy.
When Randy said hook a pair of hedge trimmers to a chain saw I envisioned the scissor kind hooked up with a reciprocating piston like on a steam locomotive.
Now that would be cool.
I’ve got a electric version of what is in the ebay compare. Pretty hard to cut body parts with that one.
A finger or two.
But I envisioned the scissor kind also.
I have found that when more than a simple “Thanks!” is required, a bottle of single malt scotch does the job quite well.
Classy… you are always a classy guy….
The scissor kind is actually what I was talking about.
And Paul B read my mind.
Pity I sobered up and took a nap before my subconscious spit out an answer for either problem.
Randy: easy peasy. You want it i can make it.
Rdennis: nah. I just dont have filters. Not like other people do anyway.