Were you born an asshole?
The Axis of Asshole, only a fledgling organization, has become a force to be reconed with, a behemoth of stink stars.
Lest anyone be confused, we at the Axis of Asshole would like you to walk through this simple primer:
We are not the Axes of asshole.
We are not the Axles of Asshole.
We are not the Axis of Assholes
We are, in fact, the Axis Of Asshole. The vertical line about which all assholes rotate. Make sure you get it right.
Shouldn’t there be a certain amount of rotation of the axis? Oh, God, I’ve just gone over to the dark side. The dark side is “where the sun don’t shine”; it’s like a black hole.
You can probably fabricate an asshole in XYZ Axis on a mill or a CNC machine.
This topic reminds me of the old Jimmy Buffet song:
Well I was drivin’ down I-95 the other night.
Somebody nearly cut me right off the road.
I decided it wasn’t gonna do any good to get mad.
So I wrote a song about him instead.
It goes like this…
Were you born an asshole?
Or did you work at it your whole life?
Either way it worked out fine
’cause you’re an asshole tonight.
Yes you’re an A S S H O L E…
And don’t you try to blame it on me.
You deserve all the credit.
You’re an asshole tonight.
You were an asshole yesterday.
You’re an asshole tonight.
And I’ve got a feelin’
you’ll be an asshole the rest of your life.
And I was talkin’ to your mother
just the other night.
I told her I thought you were an asshole.
She said, “Yes. I think you’re right.”
And all your friends are assholes
’cause you’ve known them your whole life.
And somebody told me
you’ve got an asshole for a wife.
Were you born an asshole?
Or did you work at it your whole life?
Either way it worked out fine
’cause you’re an aaaass…hole tonight
Make The Grade
I wonder if I qualify? Whadda Think?…
Asshole – Dennis Leary
(Spoken) About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down Folks, I’d like to sing a song about the American dream. in the bottom of our chests. About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon, we don’t know. (Sung) I’m just a regular Joe with a regular job. I’m your average white suburbanite slob. I like football and porno and books about war. I got an average house with a nice hardwood floor. My wife and my job, my kids and my car. My feet on my table…and a cuban cigar. But sometimes that just ain’t enough to keep a man like me interested no way No, I’ve gotta go out and have fun at someone else’s expense Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane, While people behind me are going insane. I’m an asshole I’m an asshole I walk around in the summertime saying “How about this heat?” I use public toilets and I piss on the seat, I’m an asshole I’m an asshole Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces, While handicapped people make handicapped faces. I’m an asshole I’m an asshole Maybe I shouldn’t be singing this song Ranting and raving and carrying on Maybe they’re right when they tell me I’m wrong… NAAAAH! I’m an asshole I’m an asshole Know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado (Spoken) Convertible, hot pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights… yeah! And I’m gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour, getting 1 mile per gallon, suckin’ down quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald’s in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when on the American Flag and then I’m gonna toss the styrofoam containers I’m done suckin’ down those greaseball burgers I’m gonna wipe my mouth right out the side, and there ain’t a goddamn thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that’s why Two words: Nuclear fuckin’ weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want…they can have a big democracy dead, he’s frozen! And as soon as we find a cure for cancer, we’re cakewalk right through the middle of Tienamen Square and it won’t make a lick of difference, because we got the bombs, OK? John Wayne’s not gonna thaw out the Duke and he’s gonna be pretty pissed off. You know million times, that’s how pissed off the Duke’s gonna be. why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15 I’m gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti and Lee Marvin and Sam Peckinpaw and a case of whisky and drive to Texas…(HEY, HEY HEY!> Why don’t you shut up and sing the song, pal? (Sung) I’m an asshole I’m an asshole A S-S H-O L-E Arf, Arf Arf, Arf Arf, Arf Arf Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E Oooooooo Thoomph A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom (Spoken) I’m an asshole and I’m proud of it
Axes of Asshole. Heeee.
Heh. Can I join?
but, Juliette; you arent’ an asshole!
In fact, you may be one of the very few non- assholes I know!
I’d be honored if you put the logo on your site, even for a moment.
I’ve got the “Axis of Asshole” sigil up on my site, since I was “nominated” by another blogger with this line:
“Jeez, Kevin… calling you an asshole would be a huge understatement, wouldn’t it?”
I figured I was entitled.