I occasionally catch a Dr Who.
The special effects are better, but the stories suck.
Except this one: The Doctor Dances.
It dawned on me, watching that clip, that this is what is draining me so much right now. I can’t fix everything. I want to, Lord knows, and I really try, but I just don’t have the strength or ambition or resources anymore. I see, I feel, so much that needs fixing, so much I can’t fix. Oh, I do the things I can here and there when I can, but it’s just all too much. Yes, I understand one man can’t do it all, but do I do enough? Have I done enough? Did I do enough for Max? Do I do enough for all the people I know who need me? this eats at me. And I understand it probably shouldn’t but I can’t stop it from doing so. The planet is overrun with people who wake up every day thinking only of themselves, the ones who think outside their own person are scarce as hens teeth. Lord knows I have been helped enough in my time of need by others, I owe, and I need to do my best to balance those books.
Someone else will do the repairs:
http://thedrawncutlass.blogspot.com/2013/07/book-passage-i-like.html
It’s important to be so close to God that you hear directly what it is He is leading you to do. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. That’s His promise.
I wonder if there is grace for me to work where He has not led. I’m a fixer, too. And it’s a temptation to overextend. When my dad was alone after mom passed, he would blow through all his monthly check in a week or two. I helped out as best I could, but finally understood that I was cushioning God’s paddle in his life. That was a valuable lesson.
The next hardest lesson was to accept help and comfort from others. I mean, I’m the fixer. Surely I didn’t need the help. That took a longer time to sink in.
If these don’t fit you, then they’re worth what you paid for them. But this jumped out at me today.
Still standing with you from south Texas.
Guilt…To be precise..Survivors Guilt.
Why did we survive when others in similar positions fail? If we survived for what greater purpose? Why am I blessed when so many around me suffer?
This questions are what make us in gods image, or at least the image I most like.
We are finite, he is not.
Personally I get peace from the saying “God grant me the power to fix what I can and the wisdom to see what I can’t”
I paraphrase, but it works for me.
Have a great day.
You and I are so different yet so much alike. I’ve spent many nights in the dark thinking much the same thoughts. I beat up myself so bad after my first wife passed away that I nearly let the alcohol demon take me. I’m getting weaker in body as I age and it kills me to ask for help with things I have done hundreds of times in the past. Most decent people have the same doubts and questions, at least I like to think so. There have been times when I wondered if I would ever have any time to spend on myself, a few years ago my Dad was slowly dying at home and at the same time #2 decides she is leaving and takes 100k out of a credit line we had that my home was collateral on. There I was with my widowed father dying looking at losing my home and dammed if she didn’t get half of my retirement savings! Its a wonder I’m not dead or in prison for life. Long story short, at least for me, if I didn’t have so many friends, family and most of all faith I’m sure the blackness would have won. I have since found a woman that didn’t care if I was broke or not (a rare thing today)and again life is good. Keep your eyes on our lord and you won’t sink below the waves. I like to remember that so many have gone before me and suffered so much more than I ever will. Sorry for the ramble, hoping you find peace with it all.