Remember this stuff? I did, and I did it at the most inconvenient time.

My chiropractor is a teeny lipstick lesbian, no bigger than a fifteen year old, a niced lady who unlike most other physicians in my life actually helps me.

Because I carry this counterweight with me everywhere I go, and because I’m not exactly a layabout, I have enormous back muscles. My trapezius muscles and my erector spinae muscles (the group of muscles that are so tasty on a deer) are as thick around as a person’s calf.
My chiropracter always comments on this, and often has to have someone physically help her “adjust” me.
Wierdness below the fold, and potential spew alert.

So last time I went in there, I’m laying facedown on the little table thingy, and her assistant is pressing down on the backs of my calves, and the doctor has turned my right shoulder skyward. She lifts my arm and pulls it behind my back, and turns my head so even though I’m facedown on the table, my face is pointing nearly straight up. She’s trying to hold my head and press down on muscles on my back at the same time, and just doesn’t seem to be able to manage- then in a quick moment, she straddles my head, squeezing it between her tiny but muscular thighs, and presses down on my back hard while tugging on my arm.

I’m folded like a huge, fat, roundeye origami, and my face, as they say, is only millimeters from, er, the promised land.

I’m her first patient of the day and she’s obviously just gotten out of the shower a brief time ago. There’s a faint hint of jasmine and something else ver subtle but familiar, in a very nice way.

then it dawns on me, and at the exact moment the abovementioned commercial product pops into my head, and only the fact that a twist of her hips would sever my head from my body keeps me from saying “gee, your c**t smells terrific”.