remember the fourteen pound block of Jorgenmanjenson cheese that tasted so good in Sam’s club, and then languished in your fridge until it took on the consistency of klompen ; until it’s presence (occupying the same space as a whole case of beer) shamed you into throwing it out. After having eaten only two slices. Slap yourself gently on the cheek and repeat, “What was I thinking?”

Be nice to as many people today as you can. Jake, in the mailroom. With the too-tight pants and the protruding nutsack. He could afford pants that fit properly but doesn’t What was he thinking? And Loraine, at the reception desk. She’s worn the same perfume for sixty two years, and there’s no way she can smell it on herself unless she uses a lot. What was she thinking? Those people are probably all good people who weren’t thinking when they prepared for their day. How about you? that blue skirt just doesn’t flatter your ass. And you should shave your legs if you’re gonna wear it to work without pantyhose. Especially you, Herb. What were you thinking?

Now go out and have a good day.