This morning’s outgoing mail.
Burpee
Attn: Customer Service Returns
300 Park Ave
Warminster, PA 18974
Gentlemen:
Enclosed please find three packets of tomato seeds. I purchased them at a garden center, hoping that the quality I found there would be higher than the quality of no name brand seeds purchased at a big box store.
The seeds in question never germinated. I tried again, no luck. The starters were kept moist and warm and in the sun.
The Walmart seeds I bought last year,germinated. Every single one in the pack. The pack of seeds cost me $.50 at Walmart, and there were a couple dozen seeds in it, a couple pennies a plant. Fairly nice tomatoes, too.
The Burpee seeds I purchased totaled $6.07 for not so much as a single plant. I ended up buying starts for about $12 to have some tomatoes this season. Those are doing fine. And they are the same varieties as the seeds I purchased, more or less.
I do not expect a refund, though I would take it if you would send it. Rather, I would like it if whoever is in charge of Tomato seed production would take these three seed packets and insert them into a bodily orifice of their choosing, packets and all. Possibly adding a pinecone for luck.
Thank you for your time
Dissapointedly,
Og
Does that work?
I know some people who would be way more useful serving as soil for than doing what they’re currently doing.
Oh, lady, I have CONTINENTS full of people I wish were fertilizer.
Now that should leave a mark.
My uncle once questioned the literacy of the company in question. I think he got some free product for a time.
Course if the seeds don’t sprout free product would be bird seed.
Why izzit that the stoners can get their weed to grow even in the rain gutters of a ’62 Valiant, and I can’t even grow a good crop of mold?
One look at the leprosy that passes as my front lawn, would convince you that I’m not exaggerating, either.
Next step: Pave it, and paint it green.
Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX
I don’t suppose y’all could find some leftover AstroTurf down there ….
I’m always amazed at the seed companies’ ability to guarantee that their seeds are pollenized and will grow plants. How are they stone cold certain that the male organ of the tomato plant successfully spread its pollen to the receptors of the female organ? And that some other variation didn’t sneak its pollen into the air with a bottle of wine and a Barry White album cuckolding your Big Boy variation? I thought that’s why I double-seed: to make sure Something grows in that spot, and if both sprouts appear, nip the runt.
I recently read an article on the Frenchman who with his wife and son developed the modern lilac and many other plants, and the meticulous work that was, sheesh. And the guy who created the blue rose, the years it took him. I never thought of plant or animal husbandry as an easily guaranteed result.
Maybe I need to see a program on how seed farms work. Perhaps it’s a lot simpler and controlled that a couple of raised boxes with a floor fan blowing pollen from the boys’ box to the girls’ at the exact perfect moment the pods release.
I’ll be in my bunk.
I laughed so hard at this! Please keep us updated on what they send back as a response!
Nothing yet, but I’ll post if i get anything.