Touched by an Anvil
Newest game show sensation
I think this could be the next “survivor”. ordinary people bring their “friends” to the studio, and tell the studio audience about their friend’s activities. Here’s a sample:
“Hi! I’m Sandy, and this is my neighbor Sara. She walks her Malamute in my yard and letsit shit there, and never cleans it up” Sara has two minutes to refute the claim, if she can, and if she can’t, she’s Touched by an Anvil ™ A La Warner Cartoons.(think Coyote. Road runner) Quickly, a pattern of unacceptible behavior emerges.
‘Hi, I’m ___ and this is my friend/neighbor/brotherinlaw (etc) and he/she:
Mows the lawn at five AM on sunday
Sings Bee Gees songs out of tune while listening to her Ipod
Eats a pint of ben & Jerry’s every day and stubbornly refuses to weigh more than 106 lbs
Does winsor pilates
Stores worms in the refrigerator in a mayonnaise jar
Is a barking moonbat
Spams anyone, anywhere, anytime.
Turns without using directionals.
drives 55 when everyone else is driving 70
Drives 70 when everyone else is driving 55
Causes road construction.
Waits until she is on the expressway to decide to change a tire/run out of gas/stall.
When people start being able to use their remotes to drop anvils on these morons, several things will happen: the world will be a better place, and there will be something on TV that I’ll actually want to watch.
A few of the items listed come under the “none of my business” heading. For example it’s none of my business what is kept in the refridgerator of somebody else. Also, they can’t help it that their metabolism burns whereas mine stores calories.
On-the-other-claw, one of the great charms of Robert Heinlein’s classic THE MOON IS A HARSH MISTRESS was the concept of throwing excessively rude, or criminal, people out the airlock.
I like it; can we start with the members of Congress?
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I would like to start with anvils on all other “reality” shows, particularly American Idol, which goes much longer than the NBA season.
Ooh! Ooh!
“Hi I’m Freddie, and this is my neighbor from 3 doors down. He’s a cheapskate who refuses to pay $15 a month to have his trash hauled away. Yes Folks, that’s right. He BURNS it; plastic, rubber, chemicals and all, on each and every day it’s nice enough to open the windows.”
Anvil? Oh hell no. Just give me a roof mounted gun on my car and let me use it. Then I’ll be happy. ;-)
“Hi. This is my neighbor Coughy McCougherson, and he’s got some sort of bronchial disease that has apparently been left untreated, because each and every night you can hear him trying to unearth his lungs all the way around the cul-de-sac, regardless of whether the windows are opened or not.”
Perhaps the anvil would put him out of his misery.
Is there any way we can incorporate this into the Church of WTFWTT services?? Maybe right before the “peace”?
Richmond, you read my mind.
Hi I’m dragonlady and I’d like to introduce you to my elderly next door neighbor.
She phoned me up to say her husband was gone and couldn’t reach a button on her shirt, would I please come over and unfasten it. And being naive, but also a good neighbor I go over and she shows up at the door nude from the waist down. Surely there is an anvil for obscene geriatrics.