Why I can’t write children’s books.
Annie was a field mouse. She had a nice warm spot under an old milk crate in the basement of a human house, away from the cold of winter and the hawk and owl.
Annie was raising six tiny mouse babies that were smaller than dimes, and she had to have food to make milk for them. So she climbed along the rafters into the pantry of the human house to find a bag of pumpkin seeds there, and every day she would go eat five pumpkin seeds, take several pumpkin seed meats in her cheeks back to her little nest, and so she had plenty of milk for her babies.
One day, as she was eating a pumpkin seed, the door of the pantry opened, and Annie saw the big human look in and see her. She ran as quickly as she could to her tiny nest in the basement, and the human followed behind. She darted under the old milk crate, and as the human picked up the milk crate, she and her tiny family of tiny baby mice lay in the nest looking up at the huge human, thousands of times her size.
And I crushed them with my foot, because mice are vermin, and spread disease, and should be destroyed.
13 comments Og | Uncategorized

Sounds like army nusery ryhmes.
A yellow bird with a yellow bill
Was perched upon my window sill
I lured him in with a piece of bread
And then I smashed his fuckin’ head
Damn. I feel the same way about al Queada.
I hope you gave them a decent burial. In the sty.
I like Dick’s, we used to use that one as cadence when I was in the Air Force.
As for mice, I always give them a decent burial, in the landfill via my curbside hearse service. Great story Og, I’ll test it out on my kids.
Eeeeeeewwwwwww. Og …
I met an elf-man in the woods –
The wee-est little elf!
He was sitting under a mushroom stalk –
‘Twas taller than himself!
“How do you do, little elf?” I said,
“And what do you do all day?”
“I dance ‘n’ fwolic about,” said he,
“‘N’ scuttle about ‘n’ play.
“I s’prise the butterflies, ‘n’
When a katydid I see,
‘Katy didn’t!’ I say, and she
Says ‘Katy did!’ to me!
“I hide beneath the mushroom stalks,
When Mr. Mole comes froo,
‘N’ only just to fwighten him,
I jump out and say, ‘Boo!’
“‘N’ then I swing on a cobweb swing
Up in the air so high,
‘N’ the cwickets chirp to hear me sing,
‘Upsy daisy die!’
“‘N’ then I play with the baby chicks.
I call them, ‘Chick-chick-chick!’
‘N’ what do you think of that?” said he.
I said, “It makes me sick.
“It gives me sharp and shooting pains
To listen to such drool.”
I lifted up my foot, and squashed
The God-damned little fool.
– Morris Bishop
We had a mouse plague out here a few years ago. We used to sit up in bed shooting them with air rifles (they don’t do too much damage to the walls if you miss.). We made mouse traps out of forty-four gallon drums and would catch literally thousands a night. We weren’t so fussy with disposing of the bodies, just pour some petrol on top of them and set it on fire. We laid baits out in the wheat paddocks, mixed and distributed in concrete trucks.
He looked at me,
With bloodshot eye
Lifted one leg,
And then he died! 2nd verse unlike the first.Not sure why the Navy expected me to march but…
Whaddya talking about Og? That was great! I remember as a yoot enjoying such stories, and my parents worrying about emotional development.
I turned out fine. I bought a gun and blasted holes in deer, ducks and gophers for fun.
twitch…twitch….
Andrew Dice Clay knew how to write for children and did so with excellent nursery rhymes:
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
A light bulb was crammed up her a$$
It woke up the spider
That lived deep inside her
Who said
Look! Free electric and gas!
Mice, my hunting obssession in the winter when all the hornets, wasps and bees are not bothering me.
OMG lololol…no I don’t think they’ll be calling you Dr. Seuss anytime soon.
Nice story. Just needs some cutesy illustrations :-)
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