“Why does the living roomlook like a gerbil cage?”
“Who left the chips on the coffee table?”
“That is my penis. Get out from under the sheets, and go and lick your own”
“WHAAAA!!’ Get OUT from under the blankets and get that cold nose OUT of my crack!”
“I am not your chew toy. You have a half dozen chew toys. I find them everytime I go to bed. Eat one of them, not my fingers”
“My nose is clean enough, thank you”
“The owie on my knee will not be improved by your licking it”

And the commonest:
“Dammit, dog!”