Neanderpundit

Lots of shit going on around here, so bear with me as I get my poop grouped. Lots of things to blog about, just no time to blog Sorry about the utter lack of content.

In the meantime, chew on this:

it’s a stove grate. it s the type of stove grate that comes on a Kenmore, and ours had four. Twenty years ago next week, the ex picked all four off the stove in the kitchen and whipped them across the room at me like ninja stars, sticking one in my chair, two in the wall, and one in my left calf. Not wanting to see her arrested, I pulled it out, made sure it hadn’t severed anything important, and bandaged it up. The precipitant for this behavior, was my completely unreasonable request that her boyfriend get out of the shower where she was giving him a hummer when i got home from work. I’ve had the blues, the reds and the pinks; all I can say is,

love stinks.

Fortunately, I’ve had the opportunity to replace the ex with a person who would never throw stove grates at me; she’s a fine woman I don’t deserve.
This came to mind because down the street is a stove very similar to the one I used to share with my ex. I wonder if the guy who pushed it to the curb would mind if I went down and grabbed a grate or two, did a little target practice in my yard.

For reasons completely unknown to me some people are having trouble commenting and my trackbacks seem to be hosed up royally. ANyone has trouble, please mail me the text of the alarm at mhardig -at- aol.com

On my way to work today, I’m driving up the Ryan in the middle lane. In the right lane is a flatbed ford F450, a biggish work truck, loaded with ladders and scaffolding and towing this ridiculously small trailer on which is a portajohn. The truck has 16″ split rims, dually on the rear, and the trailer has these little 8″ tires like you’d expect to find on a small wheelbarrow. The portajohn and the trailer it’s on are bouncing along like a toy.

I’m about ten car lengths back, attempting to pay attention to my driving as I notice the portajohn is not nearly as well attached to the trailer as it might be, and seems, in fact, to be holding on by a mere bungee cord. One final deep (typical, really, for Chicago) pothole, and the portajohn flies off.

Less than two seconds behind the trailer is a semi, which makes contact with the portajohn just about as it hits the ground, and it explodes like an egg just hit with a baseball bat. It’s apparently been in use a while, becuase green deodorant enzyme, clumps of turds, and wads of used asswipe are strewn over the road. Cars are hitting it and skidding and swerving. I manage to change lanes before I get to that spot, and avoid being showered, but even in the truck with my windows rolled up, I can smell the pine scented shit for miles.

Yes, I can crapblog without being personally involved.

Now, imagine the truck driver arriving on the jobste without the crapper? Imagine the drivers behind filing the insurance claim? Imagine the mechanic who must next change that semi’s oil?

ick.