Neanderpundit

There’s this guy. I’ll call him… dave. Mostly because his name is… dave.

He used to work where I work. Dave was a serviceman. Or ostensibly so. See, he wasn’t very good at it, at least not in for any value of “Good” I know.

His defining characteristic was his eye-watering B.O. He could walk in the shipping door in the back of the building, and the receptionist, all the way in the front, would remark “Dave’s here”.

He left some years back. I expect he found other things to do, his hobbies were encompassing and expensive- photography, scuba, etc.. He always drove a big caddie, untl his stock of photo equipment became so large that he had to buy a van, then he got a huge tricked out custom stabbin cabin on wheels. Dave’s hair looked exactly like Bug Eyed Earl’s. Dave would have had to have an implant to have the personality of Bug Eyed Earl. He was married, apparently to a normal person. I never met that particular abberation, I don’t know what I’d say. Probably something like “You have sex with that freak?”

Last tuesday as I left the show I found myself smelling a familiar smell, and sure enough, here came Dave, wheeling a giant tripod with a case full of (I assume) video equipment.

I was a bit boggled. He smelled exactly the same. he looked a bit older, a bit heavierl But he smelled like ever.

bugrit.

Or someone very similar to her featured very strongly in my dreams last night.

I dreampt that I was visiting the Oglet a couple weeks into her first semester at college. SHe was in her dorm, which consisted of row after row of beds side by each. At the foot of each bed was a big screen TV playing a disjointed mix of TV shows very loudly.

The Oglet explained that this was the dorm for the exceptional students, and the TVs were on during study time to keep these girls from doing better thanthe other girls who would then feel bad because they were stupid. I grabbed a handfl of wires and unplugged a whole damned row of TV’s at which time they all began to play “Nessun Dorma” very loudly.

A woman came in, dressed as a nun, screaming loudly “Who unplugged the TV’s? PLUG THEM IN RIGHT NOW!

I grabbed her wimple and ripped it off, to reveal a neck about as big around as a vacuum cleaner hose. She gave me that withering look that every nine year old catholic school boy knows all too well, but I was unfazed. I grabbed her skinny neck and began to squeeze. She became furious, flailing and smacking me- but I’ve been beaten by guys four times my size so again, I wasn’t upset. Then she began to feel fear. I could see it in her eyes as the struggling grew weaker. I felt her hyoid bone snap against my palm, and the gradually increasing beat of her carotid as the flow was cut off, and all at once, her neck bones crackled like crushing a handful of popcorn.

The rest of the girls in the room had unplugged their tv’s and the rtoom grew quiet as the last of them was tossed out a window. “She’ll just be replaced by someone every bit as bad” one girl said, to which I responded “I’m just getting warmed up”. I opened an equipment closet and tossed the body in, pulling out a bunch of sporting equipment. Several of the girls were on the Oglet’s fencing team; I grabbed their sabres and handed them to the Oglet for distribution. Before handing them out she pulled a pair of bolt cutters out from under her bed (I trained that kid well!) and cut off the safety tips.

“Let’s go to work”

This year for only the second time in 25 years I have not had to work the IMTS show. I walked it monday and tuesday but I did not work.

This pleases me immensely.

Today I will go stroll leisurely around while the Ogwife and Oglet collect swag. Then, Funshow! If I’m not dead.

Monday I made the mistake of coming up through the south side. Fewer police there, and more NOI. I won’t be doing THAT again.