Neanderpundit

Six or seven years ago, I was installing a system in the middle of Iowa, at a company who had a group of local learning disabled people assembling parts. Now this company, who, in my mind, had a lot of heart to employ the disabled, and had a couple of people on staff to see to their needs.

The handler, who drove the bus around to their homes to pick them up, take them back home, and wrangled them on the job, was a small wiry woman who was, in my mind, a real gem. She cautioned me against Tard Strength more than once- seemed she had lots of experiences trying to prevent one or another form harming themselves/each other, and in the process of doing so, had to deal with almost superhuman strength.

So as I was finishing up the job, one of the workers had taken a shine to me, a hulking big guy, maybe 50, who thought I was IT. I don’t think it was anything, er, odd, he just thought I was cool because I made the big yellow robot move. Anyway, as I was walking out the door for the last time, the handler lady came to me and asked me if it would be ok if this guy could give me a hug. I figured, hell, what could it hurt. Little did I know.

Anyway, this guy wanders over and wraps his arms around me. For an awful moment I feared he would kiss me, but he didn’t, he just grabbed me and squeezed like a ninety foot boa constrictor. I felt ribs overlap one another, all the wind was blown out of my lungs, and I am confident I could feel my heart beating directly against my spleen. THis lasted for only a brief time, before my admirer shyly turned away and wealked back to his workstation, waving at me over his shoulder.

I was unable to move for a moment or two, but when I did manage to draw breath again I breathed so deeply that I am pretty sure I sprained a rib or four. I’m glad I didn’t let him shake my hand.

LAST friday I spent a great deal of my evening dealing wiht fucktards of the higest caliber, and so did EVERYONE I KNOW.

Hell, even the OGWIFE had to wait in like FORTY MINUTES for her 3 piece fish & more at Long John Silvers, because the MORONS THAT RUN THE PLACE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK LENT IS and have NOTHING LIKE THE INTELLIGENCE REQUIRED TO PUT ON EXTRA STAFF ON FRIDAYS DURING LENT. Then, as if Fucktard Friday hadn’t harshed my mellow sufficiently, SATURDAY ended up being Fucktard Friday, Day Two! I had to rent a tow dolly to go get my sister’s kevorked HONDA, and tow it from Joliet to Chez Og, about 55 miles each way, fighting the backwash of semis that would cause the towed vehicle to CHANGE LANES BY ITSELF, then get the SOB pushed into the garage so I could start yanking the head off. Sunday, apparently, is Fucktard Friday Day Three, because next, I discover that the HEAD has been installed SO improperly (by my OTHER nephiew, not the one who works on cars professionally) and the little bastard had heated up so much it MELTED the goddamned TIMING CHAIN COVER. And warped the head. So I get to have the damned thing DECKED, and get at least ONE valve replaced, and ALL 16 reground and ALL seats refaced and etc. and etc. and etc.

It just makes me want to SCREAM.

So let’s hope this week, Fucktard Friday lasts only for one day.

Wake at Four in Indiana. Drive to Illinois. Fly to nebraska. Take cab to Iowa. Meet with customer and vendoe for two hours. Demonstrate modeling software for one hour. Take cab from Iowa to Nebraska. Fly to Illinois. Drive to Indiana. All in under ten hours.

What a day.