Neanderpundit

I have what can generously be described as a large midsection. I have fought this expanding non-tax deductible dependant for the better part of my adult life. I have lost.

I have been absolutley inundated by people who know what the answer is for me. If I had a dollar for every person who said “you should just go on the ____ diet” I would have a big pile of cash. I’ve tried all those diets. Atkins. South beach. Nutrisystem. Seattle sutton. Quick weight loss centers. The cabbage soup diet. The bacon and cheese diet. The bacon and chocolate diet. The (fill in the blank) diet. I have done everything, and all diets work, in the short term. In the long term, for me, nothing has worked. Each time I lose a few pounds I get to a plateau and then stop losing, then fight for ages, and finally give up, resuming my large size in no time at all.

I am not a glutton. I do not eat dramatically more than other people, and I eat a lot less than a lot of people much smaller than I. I have a sweet tooth that sometimes messes me up, but I can control that most of the time. I love to cook, and it’s impossible to cook some things without tasting them, and that makes things difficult sometimes.

it is not in my nature to exercise nor will it ever be. I abhor exercise and always will, and will never exercise. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that I’m weak, either; I do more than enough work around the house (and in conjunction with my job) to keep my strength… well, here’s an example.

One way or another, I have arrived at this age and this size and decided that sometime very soon I will undergo gastric surgery for weight loss. I have discareded the lap band, (eat a tablespoon and you’re full. Yeah, that sounds like a riot) the Roux-en Wye (know some folks who have had it, and it has it’s own set if difficulties) and the procedure I’m looking at is called a Duodenal Switch. This procedure starts by removing a portion of your stomach, (though not as much in other procedures so you can eat somewhat normally) and resectioning a portion of the small intestine so that you can only absorb so much nutrient from your food.

The downsides are: no more carbonated drinks. Lots of fat will cause severe cramping. Sometimes the distance to the bathroom must be calculated carefully during dinner. I will probably have to take extra vitains all my life. The upside is, hopefully, no more blood Pressure meds. Maybe no more triglyceride meds. Hopefully no more meds at all.

There are some specific scary things: they put a filter in your heart so you don’t throw blood clots into your brain. You have to inject yourself with blood thinners for some time after surgery (see blood clot info above). These things scare the screaming beejus out of me. If i could point a needle at myself, I’d be doing heroin right now, and I wouldn’t have a weight problem (ever see a fat junkie?)

All this is in the future, like maybe if all goes well in january. I will have a period of downtime (though I imagine I’ll be blogging a lot) No, I cannot be talked out of it. No there isn’t any diet I haven’t heard of or tried. Yes, I’ve tried every other treatment- hypnoisis, acupunctuere, acupressure, etc. that you can imagine- including deep tissue massage, pelfing, warm stone therapy, just about anything you can imagine.
I do this because I want to be able to buy clothes. I want to be able to see my pecker without a mirror. I want to be able to walk my kitchen stairs without huffing and puffing- and there’s onl;y one step. I want to be able to survive long enough to see my child become a woman, and be there to help her as much as I can.

Mostly, I want to be able to eat like anyone else without fighting the unending consequences.

When I’m at home, I still shave with a straight razor a lot of the time. On the road, though, it’s a difficult thing to drag all that stuff around. So I use disposables. I have a preference, and that is for the Bic Metal razor. Once common, it’s now damned difficult to find. Only Walgreens carries them, and not all walgreens.

Fortunately, I found some here in town, and stocked up (ten packages) while here. As I only shave cheeks and neck, a razor lasts me quite a while. Hate it when a produt i like is hard to find.