Neanderpundit

I love a good porn flick just as much as the Priest and Rabbi sitting next to me, but I have a couple of issues with most of the crap being pumped out today.

1. Guys, don’t try hammer the chick like an out of control jackhammer, unless she asks you to do so.

2. Most chicks aren’t screamers, but on the other hand, a few still are.

3. Is anybody here a fan of anal sex? Occasionally is okay, but try not to make it a habit. Look, the sphincter is a muscle. Muscles can be trained, so to speak. If you end up having to wear Depends by the age of forty, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

Yes Virginia, your asshole has just fallen out.

4. I am not a fan of inflated boobs. If you have em and I just offended you. Feel free to get even by not sleeping with me. Nothing is better that the natural curves of a beautiful woman, skinny or not so.

5. This thing about chicks injecting collagen, or maybe Crisco, what the fuck ever…, into their lips? That’s wrong in damn near every way imaginable. Stop it.

6. The guys who have that muscle above their penis cut, so it seems longer? Please, kill yourselves. That kind of shit is pitiful.

7. Guys, mow the lawn. You expect your woman to do it, so handle up on your own yard.

8. Would somebody please teach the porno sound engineer the fairly common art of dubbing?

9. Please don’t watch a cheesy ass porn flick and use it as your guide to eating pussy.

That’s it. I just felt like tossing out an opinion.

back here I made predictions about the Obama presidency, and they are rapidly becoming truth.

‘Insane’. On that, certainly, we can agree.

enjoying my corned beef hash omelette, drying off after my shower, I realized that I have a good solid handful of pubic hair about a foot and a half long. Time for some grooming, lord knows.

On the subject of grooming and hygeine:

Guys, keep your shit clean. I’m boggled by the guys I see, the way they treat their junk. If you’ve spent part of your day on a public crapper, dangling your business end in the bowl of a foreign john, with god-knows what bacteria and bullshit living therin, and you expect to take that tool home and get someone interested in it, GET IT CLEAN. I cannot IMAGINE crawling in bed with the Ogwife without a careful scrub of the equipment. Further, I’ve seen guys actually RUB THEIR TOOLS on the EDGE OF THE URINAL to get off the last drops. Never heard of a little shake, motherfucker? I’m told this is peculiar to Arabs. After doing that I’d have to exfoliate the Morel with Lava before I brought it anywhere near a woman.

Anyway. Clean that stuff. Get it clean enough that it disgusts you to touch it unless you wash your hands FIRST.

Thatisall.