Neanderpundit

There’s a bung for every hole

years ago I worked with a woman who got married to an offshoot relative of Mr Uecker. Her name was Cox, and she hyphenated the name, becoming Mrs Cox-Uecker.

She really had no idea what she’d done.

Almost a year later, she asked me why people always seemed to titter when she said her name.

I said it out loud a couple times, then mimed the act.

She thought about it for a few moments, turned a deep beet red, and walked away. They didn’t use the hyphenated name after that.

The other day I was standing at the open refrigerator looking for some lunch meat or perhaps a bucket of lard, when I thought to myself, “This never happened when I tuned people up”.

In that moment i realized, back in the day when I solved a lot of my interpersonal communication problems with my fists, or a chair, or a baseball bat, or a piece of 3/4″ thinwall conduit, I never overate, never had a weight problem. When someone pissed me off, or acted a fool around me, I would adjust their attitude. An attitude so adjusted rarely needed readustment. Oh, sometimes a little tuneup.

Thankfully I don’t do this anymore. On the other hand, when someone pisses me off, some commenter on some thread perhaps, or some ignorant moron like Alan Hevesi mouths off, I head for the fridge.

Maybe I need to tune someone up. Lose about fifty pounds. Wonder where I should start. Damn, that’s a long list.

With apologies to the lovely Punctilious

The first thing you taste in the morning should not be dog breath, unless you are A DOG.