Neanderpundit

Read it at Master of None

The world is full of morons. God loves them, Mom said. He must, she figured, He made so many. What’s remarkable is the number of people who have no idea they’re morons. So, taking a cue from Jeff Foxworthy, here are a few simple ways to tell if you are a moron.

If you leave gasoline and matches just laying around the house, odds are, you’re a moron.
If you stand on a metal ladder in a thunderstorm and clean gutters, odds are, you’re a moron.
If you mix common household chemicals together, “just to see what happens”, you are probably a moron.

There’s one category that leaves no question, however;
If you leave a loaded weapon in an area where someone unqualified to use it can get to it, you are a moron. No question, no argument, none. You don’t know where all your firearms are and what their condition is and who has access to them, you are a bone feed mast fed moron from way back, and it’s a wonder you can remember to breathe on a regular basis. Do the world a favor and have yourself committed to someplace where you can be monitored.
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As I write this, Mr Spoons is about to become Mr and Mrs. Spoons.

Congrats, folks.

I’m now ten years into my marriage, and I still love my wife so much it almost makes me sick. Frankly, I’m surprised she’s stayed around for this long, and I hope I can get her to stick around forever. It’s not been the easiest road, and we aren’t going to be rich, but we’re happy, for the most part, and that’s all I asked for. I ask for that for you too, spoons, and I hope that you find happiness and all that you seek. I hope you love your wife more each day, and I hope she learns to put up with your shit.

All Best

Og.