It may be that I am beyond the abnormal; I don’t do sports. I have never had even the slightest inclination to either watch, or play, any kind of sports, thought i had the opportunity and was drafted into doing so on a painfully regular basis through my youth.

I played soccer, basketball, some baseball. I got coralled into playing golf. I played football with neighbor kids.

I wasn’t the best at any of these sports, but neither did I completely suck.I probably could have gone on to be, well, something more than mediocre, anyway.

Fact was, it all annoyed me. I didn’t see the point in any of it, didn’t see the point in competing like that, didn’t see the point in winning or losing a battle where nobody died.

I grew up on flyfishing, and quail hunting, and dog running, and rabbit hunting. I loved being in the woods, on the water, loved being involved in the process of life and death and eating or being eaten. I resolved that I would stay on top of the food chain as long as I could. I also loved working, and getting paid for work. I examined sports from either of two directions: A hunt which didn’t end up feeding me anything, or a job which didn’t pay me at all. I abstained.

Watching someone else play a game that I wouldn’t play myself, well, that was just asinine beyond words.

So, to the confession. No, the above wasn’t it, I am not ashamed of my mindset and would never apologise for it.

the confession is, last saturday, between one automobile repair and another, I did something I never expected to do.

I watched part of a football game.

No, i didn’t watch it all, and i didn’t even notice who was playing. One team had red shirts and white pants, and the other team were, oh, I don’t know, gold? Anyway, it was as boring as I could imagine anything being.

So I thought up some things that could make those games a WHOLE lot better.
Continue Reading »