Neanderpundit

Look, I hates me a cellphone. In fact, I would not bother to carry one unless it was company-provided. And I must have it for company business, which can (but fortunately doesn’t) happen 24/7.

We used to have Ameritech. They were OK phones but the service was so/so. We then moved to Nextel, little blue phones from Motorola that worked really well. Granted, when you weren’t close to a tower, you had trouble- but in any range, if you had a signal you could talk. The phones were also rock touch- at IMTS in 2002, I dropped my Nextel phone off a fourth floor balcony into traffic. It bounced off the hood of a semi going about 45, and crashed through the window of a dispatcher’s booth under where I was standing. I got down tho the booth, and grabbed the phone, and it hadn’t even dropped the call.

Now, we have Sprint. Sanyo phones. I understand that this was a phenominal cost savings for the company, and for most purposes, they’re like any other cellphone. On the other hand, personally, I feel that there can possibly be no worse phone company on earth. So, for Sprint, I have a few things to say:

1: Antennas. What prompted you to take disused WW2 radar antennae and use them on top of cell towers? This must be the case, because I can STAND STILL IN ONE PLACE and the signal varies between 0 and 4 bars. What the fuck are you nimrods thinking?

2: Sanyo phones? The name in electronics universally known for lame cheapshit? c’mon.

3: The Internet service you offer? Sucks. Sucks more than road construction. Sucks more than Microsoft corporation. Sucks more than, well, frankly, Apple. You change the menu choices all the time, your portals work only rarely, and the only thing that DOES work is Google, which, of course, has nothing to do with you. The phones can’t deal with an RSS feed, and the service wouldn’t be able to broadcast it cleanly if it did.

Rot in heck, Sprint. Hell is probably too busy, for your lame ass.

I’m sure I’ll get lambasted for this, but jesus christ on a crutch, who on earth thinks that any chicago team will go the distance? it kills me that ordinary, perfectly sane people will lose their fucking minds over this, like Spoons did last year about the Cubs.

Look, folks, it’s Chicago. Be happy you have some winning teams. The possibility of the Cubs or the Sox going all the way is as likely as me wearing lederhosen and learning to play the alpenhorn, and being given a government grant to do so.

Understand: I have no interest in any sports. Pro athelets are for the most part overpaid underworked primadonnas who love having their dicks sucked for playing a game. They’re playing a game, for christ sakes. I understand if you want to play the game yourself, but to spend cash or wast time watching someone else play a game, in my mind, defines stupidity. I can kind of understand something competitive like auto racing, and I never miss an Indy 500, but that’s about as far as it goes. I’d still rather drive than watch someone else do it.

So if you decide to piss in my cornflakes because I’m here to tell you that the sox are gonna choke and fuck this up, well, sorry. I don’t understand it, and I never will. And rest assured, I’m right. if I’m not, I will post a picture of myself wearing lederhosen on this site.

What a bunch of fucktards.

Acidman is (depending on who you read) either drinking himself to death, starving himself to death, a combination of the two, or something else.

Steve H, pragmatist that he is, has probably the best take on it.

There are those who say we should forcefeed him. While this sounds like fun, I believe the only thing that causes change of any kind is raw will on the part of the person who has to change.

So I have a plan I think might work. It will involve some co-operation, and some sacrifice on the part of other bloggers.

See,for Rob to want to stick around, he has to have incentive, and so far, sticking around for his kids, or his gramma, or those of us who give a shit about him isn’t incentive, I think I know what will be.

We need to fill his mind with memories so horrible, so awful, that he will choose to live on just to have those horrid awful memories drowned out by anything at all.
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