To tell you this story, I have to tell you another one. Or two. Or many.

First of all, you have to understand Mom.

Mom cleans house like dental hygenists clean teeth: thoroughly, quickly, and several times a day. There isn’t a surface in moms house that isn’t sanitary, perhaps even sterile. Odds are, mom’s kitchen counter is a more germ free place than some operating rooms.

Anyway, now you have to know about Kate. My aunt Kate probably never thought of Mom as much of a housekeeper, because Kate cleans. I mean, kate CLEANS.
Here’s some things you might find astonishing or humerous but are actually true facts about my Aunt Kate:

Kate weekly removes all the heat registers in the house and runs them through the dishwasher in the garage.
The dishwasher in the garage is there solely for the purpose of washing such items as the heat registers, the wheelcovers off the car, the BBQ grill, and the mailbox.
The dishwasher in the kitchen is there only for the purpose of washing her “good” dishes, a set of Countess Pattern prewar Havilland Limoges.
The kitchen itself is only used for cooking on special occasions.
The basement has a kitchen too, a stove and fridge (in flawless condition, circa 1946) and a laundry sink (clean enough to store raw meat in)where the “regular” dishes were washed (all Fiestaware)

Everyone ate in the basement because NOBODY went upstairs except for special occasions, and the only occasion special enough I remember was the death of her husband, my sainted uncle ted.

The kitchen sink was where she washed the wall switch and outlet covers. Weekly. Once a month she shampooed the carpet. ON her hands and knees. With a bucket and a brush.

Kate carried a snub-nose 38 special. They were the last white family to live in Gary, Indiana. She weighed 88 lbs all her life from the time she was 18. They had a grand piano on which her daughter took, and later gave, lessons. It was french polished. By hand. She refinished it herself.

Ny Kate’s standards, which were incredibly, embarrasingly high, my mom was a slacker, and that fact was never left unmentioned.

Now I can tell you the REAL story.
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