way, way off the reservation as far as Catholicism is concerned, for a very long time.
No, I’m not looking for a new church- once you’re a Catholic you can as much stop being a Catholic as you can start becoming a kangaroo.

My beef is- and has always been- with dogma handed down by humans. Yes, there are quite a few who were most likely inspired, possibly many. But they are all human. So while I don’t reject any of it out of hand, yet, I look at a lot of it with a jaundiced eye, because having dealt with humans, I don’t trust the lot of them as far as I can toss them into the air. Everyone has an agenda.

You learn, if you’re smart enough, from others. Learning what is right and wrong is sort of a catch as catch can business because you might find yourself under the tutelage of a moron. That probably happens more often than not.

It has been my personal experience that when I fuck up, I get my ass kicked. I learned early on to not get caught, but there is a higher judge than Dad, or the cop, or the boss, or the wife- and he always catches you.

And I learned that if I fuckup in a way that endangers my immortal soul (That is, more than I have already done) I get hammered.

I have had a history of doing things that I hadn’t ought, and shortly thereafter something happens- not to me, but to someone I care about. And it is always related, and it is always proportional. I can’t- and won’t- go into too much detail, but let’s say I cheat someone out of $500. Briefly therafter, someone I care about will be cheated out of $500. I never cheated anyone in my life, but you get my drift.

These things happen in a manner that is actually predictable. Once, after having done something I expected from the beginning was out of line, I thought, “Well, now, X will happen to person Y.

And it did.

it isn’t like I’m manufacturing self fulfilling prophecies. No way can I cause someone 1200 miles away to lose a finger or have a grabber. No, these things are direct, hardcore reminders that I need to cease and desist and I would be stupid not to pay attention.

This has sort of sucked because it has curtailed some activity that I might otherwise enjoy a great deal.

And the second reading at last weeks mass reminded me of something.

Heb 12:5-7, 11-13

Brothers and sisters,You have forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as children:“My son, do not disdain the discipline of the Lord or lose heart when reproved by him;for whom the Lord loves, he disciplines;he scourges every son he acknowledges.”Endure your trials as “discipline”;God treats you as sons. For what “son” is there whom his father does not discipline?At the time,all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain,yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it. So strengthen your drooping hands and your weak knees. Make straight paths for your feet,that what is lame may not be disjointed but healed

So i try not to think of these things as punishment, but rather evidence of a Father’s love.