Twenty, or maybe twenty five years ago, I was working at a small facility of a major implement manufacturer in central illinois.

it was a miserable winter, and the work I was doing was tedious and annoying. All in all I spent 17 months in that plant, and even went back to spend a bunch more time there in later years. At that time, I was pretty green, and though the machines were plenty complex, I could already do most anything to or with them. And I had a good support crew; ten or twelve old masters who could answer most questions off the top of their head.

One of the in plant guys who was like that was… We’ll call him Jake. Crazy Jake. Because he was as crazy as could be. His behavior was unpredictable and unusual to the point of frightening most people. Once you got to know him, though, you were fine, because he never did anything harmful or mean spirited, though he could be embarrassing.

On one day in particular, there was a plant tour coming through, a bunch of asian women who worked as assemblers in a subsidiary plant in Japan. That day, I was working under a machine, and the only access point was a small cover on the side about waist height. The cover was about 2′ square, and I had managed to get myself into it about head and shoulders deep. I could hear the tour, and looking under my armpit saw them stop and ask Jake questions, whcih, not being Japanese, he didn’t understand, at all. (Their interpreter had stepped away). Jake, not one to miss an opportunity, started pointing at things on the machine, smiling, and jabbering in mock janglish while I tried to remain as invisible as I could be, for a guy with his ass hanging out of a machine. Then Jake stuck his hands in my hip pockets and started humping me like a dog.

Two or three of the women screamed, the rest giggled, and the interpreter returned from his break and dragged them away while Jake continued to thrust his (Thankfully, clothed) pelvis into my backside.

At least they never saw my face. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.