Neanderpundit

Tried to take a picture of it, but couldn’t quite.

After reading this story linked by Vman I thought, Hey, I have an evil twin too.

Mine, unfortunately, is not the cause of my distended belly- that is the result of far too many pizzas and extra helpings of Roast Beast. No, my evil twin takes the form of a wild hair and a mole on my right ring finger- a hair like no other on my body, and a mole looking like no other I have. So I name it my congenitally connected twin. And call it Nathan. I expect him to begin growing soon. I’m going to be a little embarrassed after all the times he’s watched me rub one out while surfing porn. Imagine if he grows to be an aloof erudite gentleman, how he’ll hate having budded forth from a hirsute neanderthal.

Fuck him. I’m pulling the hair out. He’ll grow up bald.

Lest anyone think I sit around thinking of beginning another crusade involving Christians against Muslims, let me take a moment to point out a huge waste of flesh masquerading as a human. Jack T Chick is the epitome of arrogant ignorance, a huge purulent festering sore on the taint of Christianity.

Jack Chick and his little joyful tracts have been telling people all over the world how horrible they are, and how they can only be saved if they follow HIS ignorant advice.

Let me clue you in to something. If there is a Creator of the Universe, it is pretty clear that no human understands the Creator- Got it? And anyone telling you how to act? Well, I must refer you to Mencken’s law:

Mencken’s Law: “Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel.”

I’m sure you’ve seen the tracts. If you see the tracts and believe anything they say? you got some edumacation to get.

I could spend a lot of time linking to Jack Chick tracts, or to the sites that parody them, but I hate to give the scumbag anything like publicity, and in fact have used his name far too much already. Think of this: In every belief system there are the devout, the decent, and the normal. And then there are the Jack Chicks, the terrorists of the Christian world. When we have managed to rid the world of Islamic terrorists we will need to focus some energies on the Jack Chicks of the world. Alternately, dropping Jack Chick on terrorists would work, but thankfully we only have one.

And for all the people who helped make it possible, thanks.

Frinstance: for my boss, who dragged many of the components from Nebraska to Illinois on his dad’s boat trailer in the middle of the night because there was no way the freight service could get them here in time. Thanks, boss.

For the folks at Fanuc who scrambled to get me my robots in time. Thanks. You guys are the best.

For the people at the conveyor company who scrambled to get me the stuff I needed, and then scrambled again to replace some parts that weren’t quite right the first time, thanks, you did a GREAT job, it made the whole thing possible.

For the people at the fencing company who managed to hose up the order royally, ship it via some crappy freight company who proceeded to trash the fence, and then busted your asses at the last minute to get it right? Thanks.

For the guys who helped with the programming at the last minute because my brain was so fried I forgot I needed separate ack signals in the comm code? Thanks.

For the people who moved the booth into place, got everything on spot and in location? You guys, as Jackson Brown says, are the best. For all the bitching about union labor I (and many others) do, you guys busted ass, did your jobs, did them well, on time, and under budget. Thanks.

Finally, for the Japanese techs I worked with: It took a long time for me to get used to the idea that you CHANGED THE ENTIRE PROCESS I WAS AUTOMATING AT LEAST ONCE A DAY, but once I took you by the neck hands and said “please, no more changes” you understood and helped me finish just in time. Thanks.

None of this stuff happens by accident, folks. None of it works without the help of LOTS of people. None of it comes together without a whole team of people pushing, another team pulling, and someone directing. I had an awesome team. Thanks to you all. I went in to this thinking about finding another gig. I’m coming out of it feeling as good as I ever have.