Neanderpundit

can be as powerful as pet names. You have to be careful how you assign them. And how they are assigned to you. Want to spend your career known as “handjob” or “lotion boy”? Anyway, we had this guy who went from the rank and file to become a shift forman, and his name was… phil. His last day, as he showered, he talked smack about how he was going to be in charge of the men he was shwoering with, and how he was going to have the upper hand the very next day. Most of the hourlies gaped in amazement at the sheer cheek of the guy, but as he left the shower room everyone waved their junk at him and one guy even went so far as to shout “Lick me, Phil”.

And there it was.

His hardhat, (now white instead of the normal red) sprouted a new hand lettered legend the same day: “Lick me, Phil”. The sign on the shop door now said “Hard hat area. Do not enter unless you Lick me, Phil”. The shop truck sported a handmade license plate which read “LIKMEFIL” Someone even had jacket patches embroidered that said “Lick me, Phil” in beautiful script. The crowning glory was a Whiteco-Metrocom billboard that said ‘Lick me, Phil” in letters twelve feet high.

Phil eventually hit the road for parts unknown. Sometimes, hanging out in places where steelworkers used to, I find a scrawl in a crapper or a scratch on a table in crabbed, pocketknife script “Lick me, phil”. And I smile, remembering a man who lost control of the situation and assigned himself a nickname that would flavor his life until he moved away.

I do a certain amount of buying and seling on ebay. I do surf the bay a lot, just because there are always wierdnesses out there, like the kid who was selling one of his nuts. So here’s a list of things that you might find you cannot live without:

Seaweed
Lucky air
an Embalming machine

A Head Hole Cleaner

Possibly the dumbest thing I have ever seen

And finally, Crazy. Yes, you can buy your crazy right here.