Neanderpundit

Having spent some time in Dallas monday and tuesday, I am reminded what heat and humidity will do for you, when you’re a big fat bastard.

Now, i sweat. A lot. I figure I have thre to five times as many sweat glands as the next person, based on skin acreage alone, but the worst is the sweaty balzac. I tend to get most moist in the nether regions, and as all big guys will tell you, it’s time for the Gold Bond.

Gold Bond medicated powder is packed with menthol, and when you put it on, no matter how dry you are, it’s a fine burn to the balls. And again every time you sweat. It’s like a never ending supply of cocaine for your boys, and boy, do it make you feel and smell better after a long, hot day.

Only trouble is, being what it is, it tends to clog pores. SO once in a while, you get a good solid Scrote zit, and that blows. Nobody wants to know about it, either. Except that we all love to squirt ’em, it’s a moment of satisfaction akin to soaking the afflicted area with super hot water i the shower, and subsequently shooting ball zit pus all over the bathtub. No, not something I’m normally likely to share, but there it is.

Update: On re-reading this I’m struck how much it sounds like a Paul Harvey piece. if Paul Harvey were a crude neanderthal.

There’s a lot of polls talking about how the Republicans are going to get their asses handed to them this november.

As much of a disaster that would be for not only this country and the world, I hope people are listening to the polls, because they should be telling people to wake up, and get out, and vote.

On the other hand: I get those phone calls a lot. For some reason, I seem to be on the list of people that they poll.

And I’m gonna let you in on a little secret:

I lie. When they call and ask me questions, I act like a good little democrat and stick to all the democratic party talking points, etc. Tell the pollster how I’m going to pull that big D lever, and so forth.

I do this because of two things: When I used to get those calls, I would say “I’m conservative” and they’d hang up. THey weren’t interested in listening to my opinion, the moment I claimed conservatism. So now I just give them a bunch of shit. I’ve recently found out I’m not alone, lots of folks game the pollsters like this. So when I hear the poll results, see the Time Magazine with the Elephant’s ass on the cover, I can only laugh.

Remember: Much as you may be distressed by the relative inaction of supposed conservatives, not voting for them will fix nothing and further break our system. That Rahm Emanuel is involved should be enough for you; that Feinstein et al could be handed reins should reinforce that belief. That the Communist Party of the US, and Al-Quaeda want the democrats to win should be like a hammer driving the point home.

Vote, folks.

Had to fly down to Dallas to do a quick job, and thought I’d take advantage of the opprtunity to spend a moment or two with the DuToits and Big Dick, and though my plan was to meet them somewhere it ended up being dinner at the Du Toits. Who didn’t even blink an eye at having an asshole show up at their house and inviting one of his asshole friends over. Thanks, Kim, thanks, Connie, you are far more gracious than you are erudite. Meeting Dick and the lovely Kelly for the first time was also a treat, as was meeting the offspring DuToit. I hope my daughter is as bright or well mannered when she reaches that stage of her life.

Mrs D is an incredible cook, for which I can vouch personally. You know those little angels and demons that perch on your shoulder? the angel telling you “no, you shouldn’t eat another scoop of ice cream” and the devil yelling “YEAH! MORE OF THAT APPLE STUFF!!” Well, Mrs D caught that angel for me, skinned the little motherfucker and fricasee’d him. He was probably a vegetarian, and as we all know, vegetarians are what’s for dinner.

Thanks for having me, Kim & Connie. Thanks for being who you are. The world is a better place with you in it.