Who is definitely not me.

And he had this girlfriend.

She was kind of a hotblooded girl, and i- I mean, this guy I know- catered to her every.. er, unusual interests.

One such interest was in toys. The kinds of toys they sell in those stores that sell….. adult toys.

She was embarrassed to go to them, so I bought her things she requested. One of the things she requested was a large, two-headed (so to speak) object. About as big around as a vacuum cleaner hose, and a foot and a half long.

And one day, she misplaced it.

We never thought much more of it. Until one day, while eating dinner, the family’s wirehaired terrier came romping into the dining room with it clenched between it’s teeth, wagging it’s tail at it’s cleverness.

We- I mean, her and this guy I knew- were mortified.

Ad there followed a pregnant pause of biblical proportions.

Until her father let me- I mean, the guy I know- off the hook by saying “That’s not even HALF the size of your mom’s”

Her mom, as it was, turned red and kicked him firmly under the table.

Anyway, I- or, I would imagine- my friend, thinks of this every time i- I mean he- sees this commercial.