Neanderpundit

Revisit this classic moment in Og history

How many American troops are in Georgia right now, and are they actively involved in the fighting against the Russians?

What’s the easiest way for a sole grunt to disable a T-72 Main Battle Tank and kill the crew?

Where are the soft spots on Soviet attack helicopters?

How many Russian combat divisions would be required to defeat FIVE Georgian Combat Infantry Brigades? Just so you know, Georgia only has five infantry brigades, according to Wikipedia.
Is Georgia playing the part of the yappy little mutt who happens to reside in the backyard of a badass Rottweiler?

I know the correct answers, but I want you guys to roll it around your brainpans for a while.

Og – silly boy – has entrusted me with a set of keys, that I might decorate his site while he is away on vacation.

When someone offers you guest posting privileges, you have choices to make. What sort of posting will fit best? Will your writing sit well with your host’s readership? Do you attempt to remake the place in your own style, or do you adapt to fit the Local Environment? Decisions, decisions.

Og and I don’t always write about the same sorts of things, but we do have a few areas of commonality. Shared interests. We like to tell personal stories…we both can write the occasional piece of verse…and we enjoy a good bit of crapblogging now and again.

Hey, it’s a guy thing – kinda like enjoying the comedic stylings of the Three Stooges. Vagino-Americans sometimes have trouble understanding why someone would write entire paragraphs about their own stools, but we guys know that it’s a way of honoring something we can produce all by ourselves.

And I know that, deep down, Og would be disappointed if I didn’t throw him a Turd-Post.

So: With all the preliminaries out of the way, let’s move on to today’s Main Topic: the Beijing Olympics.

The Olympic Games represent the pinnacle of athletic achievement. Young men and women train for years, hoping to grab that medal, garnering honor for themselves and for their country. I’ve given up hope of keeping count of the sheer number of events that will be held in this year’s Summer Olympics, the array of different sports that will have their moment in the sun. Swimming. Wrestling. Track and field. Equestrian events. The list goes on and on.

But it seems to me that there are entire muscle groups that are neglected in most Olympic sports. There is an underrepresented area of Athletic Achievement – nay, unrepresented – that warrants attention. Thus, herewith, a few suggestions for some exciting new athletic events…

• 100-meter Enema Dash.
  Contestants are given a two-liter warm coffee enema and then must run 100 meters before, ahhh…letting loose the load. The best time wins; dribblers are subject to immediate disqualification. Successful athletes will not only be excellent runners, but also will have devoted considerable training efforts toward strengthening their Ring-Meat.
• Longest Strunz.
  Contestants will line up at the starting blocks of the track. At the sound of the starter’s pistol, they will drop trou and commence to squeezing out the longest continuous length of cable possible. Unbroken Turd-Length counts for 75% of the score, the remainder being based on speed. Successful athletes will train by eating a diet rich in prunes, All-Bran, and oatmeal. If Portland cement is detected in the “output,” the athlete is disqualified.

I’m sure I can come up with a few more…but this oughta get your digestive juices going while you enjoy the Opening Ceremonies!