Neanderpundit

Why not, he’s a US citizen!

Except one of the tests for revoking citizenship is to commit an act of treason. Am I the only person who knows this?

Not that i have issues with mirandizing non-US citizens, but enemy combatants, of which this is clearly one, do not deserve any rights at all, in my book. Sorry. Prove he did it, then firing squad.

A lot of my family were farmers, or came from farms. This meant they were neither squeamish nor prudish. Plenty of outhouses, and chamber pots too. I had, by the ripe old age of 12, already had plenty of experience with outhouses, as far as using them was concerned.

So it was not unusual for me to use the two-holer at my grandfathers house, a little place in town (after he’d moved off the farm) that was old enough that the two-holer was- I can’t resist- grandfathered in.

The actual bathroom in the house was an Honest to God Crapper, a porcelean beauty with a high porcelean wall tank. The force of the water travelling down that five foot tube made it flush like a house afire. Frankly, it scared me.

So when possible, I used the outhouse. The seat was a piece of plywood with a pair of nice plastic Crane seats screwed to it so you didn’t get splinters. The seat would flex a little, and I lifted the piece of plywood so I could see why. The frame was just 2×4 lumber, and there was a crosspiece in the middle, between the seats, that was rotting at the back end.

So I got permission to fix it. I got a chunk of 2×4 from the woodshed and cut it on the sawbuck. I pulled out the old nails and nailed it into place. it was wonderful.

the seat was nice and firm, and the new board was appreciated by one and all.

Including a nest of wasps.

Apparently they liked the cedar 2×4 I put there, and started to build an epic nest. Actually, they had started to build the nest before I put the board there, but i just thought it was some mold growing on the board. Before too long it was a pretty substantial nest.

I went back home, after all it was just a visit. We went back later in the summer, and during THAT visit, my mom and sister were using the inside crapper, so Gramma and Grampa went outside to use the two-holer.

A short period of silence ensued.

Followed by the screaming of two elderly folks and the ruckus of them exploding forth from the outhouse. A visual that sadly, will never leave me.

I got my ass whipped, for what I don’t know; the damned wasps werent’ there when I put the board in. Still, if I had a couple of wasp stings on my nether regions and they swelled up to resemble a couple of grapefruit in a knapsack, I’d want to have someones ass too. The old man used a broken off piece of the toilet seat to beat me with, other than a titsling, the most unusual thing I have ever been beaten with.

are teh awesum. The farts are, as always, epic.