Neanderpundit

Inspired by Joanna.

For Mom’s day we made beer-butt chicken. We don’t like the way Beer Butt actually tastes, since I despise all but freezing ice cold beer and then only about twice a year, and the wife thinks it’s a waste of good beer; so i use a marinade to fill the cans. I also use steel cans, since I dislike the idea of adding any aluminum to any of the food i eat.

The chicken: I use Perdue roasters because they’re cheap. I bought two for $5. good sized birds, too.
I rinsed the chickens and patted them dry with Wypalls. I use the blue ones from Autozone. Very absorbent and little lint.

I mized the marinade: I use a 1/2 gallon container of distilled white vinegar, and pour out about a cup. I put in fine ground garlic (a lot. Maybe a tablespoon) a teaspoon of fine ground mustard, a dab of turmeric, just a little pinch. A tablespoon(okay, two) of fine ground salt. A quarter cup of oil (It ends up being about 1/2″ on the side of the vinegar bottle, I mix it all up right in the bottle.

THis stuff keeps well for weeks. I put it in the fridge.

When you’re ready to use it I shake up the bottle a lot so the ingredients are mostly mixed together, and then I blend two cups worth for just ten seconds. It ends up being a kind of foamy mix, what with the vinegar and oil and salt and stuff.

I use three horse needles of the mix in each chicken. One whole needle distributed into each breast, the third needle in the thighs and drumsticks. There’s an inner and outer muscle layer in the breast, eventually you can feel the consistency with the needle. Getting the mix between the layers is truly optimal, but not necesary. The balance of the mix goes in the cans that go into the chickens.

The chickens sit for an hour at least. Overnight is nice too. I sometimes use a dry rub made of peppercorns, sea salt, and paprika. I’ve also used that Montreal chicken seasoning which is nice too.

Just before the grill I paint on a little olive oil. It helps the skin brown nicely.

I sit the chickens on tinfoil. I have also sat them in pie pans. They work nice, and cleanup is easier. I put the grill on medium (we have a weber, with three burners. I put the outer two burners just below high, with the middle one off) I cook until a meat thermometer reads about 160, and then I turn it down to medium-off-medium, and let it cook till the deepest part of the meat is 180 degrees. I should have gone a little longer tonight, maybe another ten minutes at the lower heat- the meat didn’t quite fall off, but it was close. Doesn’t sound as appetizing as Joanna’s, but it is pretty good. We had spinach salad with BACON, and mustard potato salad.

Stopped by Wally World on the way to a side gig yesterday, and saw a woman walking into the store as I pulled in wearing a pair of grey sweats that fit her in a way that made them obscene to wear around any way but her closest friends.

As I entered the store I saw her walk into the salon.

I selected my cards and picked up some odds and ends, and on my way out of the store a woman dressed exactly the same way walking OUT of the salon. Same hair, same clothes.

Only this woman was 400 lbs if she was an ounce.

As I walked out past the salon I turned and said “Everything you do here is broken”

As usual, nobody understood, but hey.