Neanderpundit

on the way to work- or ANYWHERE, for that matter, has to be the blue-fairy godmother of bad days. So when I saw the gentleman standing on the side of the road this morning, my heart immediately went out to him. I could imagine the phone conversation.

“Hey, yeah, I’m gonna be late. No, my car is on fire. No, I’m not in it. The fire department is putting it out now. What? no, I won’t be able to drive it. I’ll be there when I can.”

Driving by him, I said a prayer that his day improved, somehow, though it was hard to imagine anything worse that could happen, it is not impossible.

And then I saw the car.

I mean, really, he should have known. It said right there, on the side.

“Blazer”

$2 million price tag.

As a father, I can tell you that I understand the parents want to make a big deal out of it, but $2 mil?

I know it’s horrible, but i can just hear Bill saying “I’m finally getting rid of that bucktoothed little troll! finally there’s only one thick thighed estrogen bomb in the house! Now if I could just get someone to take Hilly off my hands! It’s WORTH two mil to have her out of my house!”

Over the years, in the course of doing my job, I have done and seen some amazing and amusing things. I did a packaging job for a company that makes donuts, one time, and as a result, ended up with 14 cases of donuts (we used them to test the system. We ate them, naturally). Once we got so much toilet paper that everyone in the company ended up with 96 rolls. I have a left and right lower A arm for an 02 vette. A tiny glass vial containing five or six little titanium “nails” less than three thousandths of an inch long, that are used to secure people’s retinas in place. A Lycoming cylinder head.

Of the tchotchkes I have collected, my favorites, being a gun nut, are the gun related items.Brass solids for a manufacturer of bullets. Cylinders, slides, and frames for Smithski and Wessonovitch. Barrel blanks for small 22 revolvers. Internal parts for two different manufacturers of AR type weapons. All the stuff they let me take home is “demilled”, or deliberately damaged in such a way that it cannot be made into a firearm.

Still, you’d think they’d let me take home at least ONE complete gun. The closest I ever came was when Mossberg offered to sell me one at a discount price (You’d be amazed at how close to “retail” the mossberg “Wholesales”, very little markup on those 500’s when you see them at Wally World). Having a closet full of shotguns, I declined. I have gotten to shoot a lot of nice custom shop stuff, and have been in a lot of fine shops, big and small.

Little by little, I’m tossing this stuff, because it has no value except sentimental value, to me, and you’d be surprised how much space it takes up. The only thing I won’t part with is a special tool, gundrilled for coolant in a way that the manufacturer said was impossible, in a way Fanuc said was impossible. That just gave me more incentive to do it. I keep the first part on my desk. The very first part I made passed inspection, something the customer thought impossible, and the system has been running properly and without a hiccup continuously since 1998. I wish I had the money it has saved them.

The most unusual part I have is a track link for a Cat trackhoe. I use it occasionally as an anvil, they’re so damned big and the steel is so tough. Most of the time it’s used to keep the door on my shed open when I’m mowing. it’s about 14″ long and weighs about thirty pounds.

As I work to clear up the mess, I find that the space I clear beckons to be filled with new crap, and I’m resisting the temptation. So far.