January 2011

Outside my hotel window

someone is using a dumpster like a drum, apparently smacking it with a hammer. It makes the most annoying sound. I wish they would die, die die. I want to go back to sleep and get a little nap in before I have to go have another year of joy drained from my soul.

My dr suggests that I might want to set aside sometime soon to have a louisville slugger jammed up my keister. colonoscopy. Partner suggests that if i can combine this procedure with acupuncture and a strong light, I could be a planetarium.

Why do they call it a planetarium when it predominantly displays stars?

Damned dumpster hammering idiot. LET ME SLEEP, YOU FUCK!!!

Sunday

post gunshow, post pie, we stood in the undisclosed location contemplating a pink hair roller coated with tufts of fuzz, which in the dim light looked almost green.

The promise of huffing toluene hung in the air like holly. My mind took me to a place where a woman with curlers geometrically arranged in her hair was surrounded by a circle of oompalloompas on stilts, doing unspeakable things to the hollow pink curlers, while singing and flailing their arms in a Busby-Berkeley inspired kaleidoscope of naked orange midgets with green hair and green fuzzy pubes, calling up the mayo in unison as they sang.

And then this morning I got this in email.
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Overheard at the gunshow:

As a statuesque brunette walks by, carrying a corn dog like a microphone…

Me: I want to watch her eat that.

Ed: I was just thinking the same thing.

Me: With some mustard. Or perhaps mayo.

Ed: Mayo could be good on a corn dog.

Me: You go suggest it, I’ll grab a couple packets of mayo.

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