Neanderpundit

Once upon a time, my favorite wannabe ride was the Volvo p1800 wagon. Cool interior (for it’s time) moderately funky exterior, two doors, plenty of room for your guns and dogs. Decent ground clearance. Rallycar handling. Small enough to park with very little real estate.

Most of the builders came close with the crossover designs, but the original intention of the shooting brake, a small two door car with a spacious trunk was a good one, and one whose time may have returned.

Now, given my druthers? this one would be WAY cool. I’d have to have an in-house mechanic, though. Or, if i had the money for a team of mechanics, this one.

This one is typical of Porsche, in that it’s probably very functional and reliable, and looks like a buttock. And not even a nice buttock, like Eva Longoria, more like a saggy flat flabby buttock, like Amy Winehouse.

I have had a good deal of discomfort the last several weeks due to some extensive close work I’ve been doing, and the time I spend sleeping is nearly as bad, as I’ve been DREAMING of work, and wake up still exhausted.

Last night I dreampt that the british had decided to try to re-capture the American colonies, figuring we had been weakened enough by the Won where we would be an easy mark. They figured having a colony like America would fix most of their financial difficulties, and they could use Nebraska as a prison colony.

So they sent ghurkas in from the northern wastes of Canada.

They would have gotten all our neighborhood without a peep, except I saw them creeping up the backyard. They had crossed the creek in their ghillie suits and were crawling through the as yet uncut grass.

Pain- enough of it- sharpens your senses so that you can be annoyed by nearly anything. I glanced out the window and saw clumps of grass moving around the backyard. Fuckers. bad enough that the backyard is such a pain in the ass to mow, now the clumps pof grass are mobile? They fanned out and one headed for our house. I noticed the kukuri poking out through the ghillie, so I went out to nonchalantly start mowing the lawn and when i passed by him I tazed him with an M-26.

He thrashed around some before I got a couple of zipties on him, and i carried him into the garage. Don’t give a damn who you are, with a guy my size sitting on you holding a running lawnmower, you aren’t gonna put up too much of a fight.

Turns out these ghurkas aren’t what they used to be anyway, mostly kids with very little training and almost no self discipline. So I aked him a few pointed questions, got him to use his radio to recall his troops to the garage where I disarmed them one at a time and ziptied them to the dryer.

Never did figure out why they were targeting this neighborhood.

We shipped the lot of them back to Ontario, where we pushed them out of the back of a dump truck still ziptied to the dryer.

I got a new dryer out of it, which was nice. Plus the BritGov was a little miffed at having had their elite advanced guard defeated by a fat fiftysomething homeowner in crocks and teletubbies boxers