Neanderpundit

When the Oglet was a wee thing, and I had to schlep her car seat into and out of the back of my Probe, a vehicle poorly suited to the purpose at best, I decided it was time for me to have a bigger vehicle. We ended up with a minivan, which served us well for hundreds of thousands of miles, with very few if any legitimate troubles. it was big and slow and ugly and we loved our Big Blue Van.

I had issues getting rid of the probe, though. it had treated me well, and it was the first spanking new vehicle I had ever purchased just for me. So I still took it out and drove it, and when I didn’t have to take the Oglet anywhere it was still my #1 choice of vehicles.

And then a co-worker ended up in trouble. In service, you rely on your vehicle, and his had been towed by the early 90’s equivalent of the Lincoln park pirates. he needed a car and he needed it pretty fast, so I drove him home that very night and handed him the keys to the probe.

he drove it for a good long time. I didn’t mind, he was a good guy who I did and do respect, and I like him fine, and I trusted him implicitly. Eventually he said ‘I like this car too much. Will you sell it to me?” I did, for a decent and small price, and he gave me a check and told me he’d have the title and etc. transferred posthaste- I wasn’t concerned.

A couple of weeks later, I showed up at one of the bars I frequented at that time and none of the regulars were there. the bartender said ‘They’re upstairs” that’s where the pool table was so I went.

They stood around looking at me as if I had grown large, leathery wings. One finally stammered “We’re here to talk to you about this”

he handed me a sheaf of pictures in a Fotomat envelope. I pulled them out. On top was a picture of a rusted out doorless Jeep being driven by a toothless old broad with saggy tits wearing a tube top. “Bill. I have never had anything to do with your mom” I said, and he grabbed the pictures from me ‘not that!” he shuffled through until he found the one he wanted and handed it to me ‘This one!”

it was a picture of my Probe. “What? it’s my old probe” I said. he pulled it out of my hands and pointed at the back, where my friend Steve had affixed a rainbow sticker. ‘THIS!!”

I looked for a few moments and it slowly dawned on me they thought I had come out.

“We just want to tell you, we don’t really understand, but we still support you, and it don’t change the way we feel about you”

I actually peed myself laughing.

I pulled the check out of my wallet and showed it around “This is the check I got for the probe. it is now the property of Steve- you know Steve, the guy in my office that does service. Spends a lot of time out in the Rockford area? it’s his car now”

I knew Steve was gay, he’s what they call an “otter” and it had no more affect on me nor interested me any more than of he’d told me he had an Art Deco dresser in his bedroom. Didn’t care then, don’t care now. He was a friend in trouble and I tried to help him, and when I see him we always greet one another as brothers. He works for another company now but does mostly the same work, so our paths cross often.

Yep, that’s me, intolerant, spiteful, gay bashing homo hater.

Relatedly, ANOTHER co worker, who WAS off-put by Steve, also left and went to work for the same company Steve went to work for, and on seeing him at the IMTS in- I think it was 98- I hopped up in his arms and stuck my tongue in his ear. He completely freaked out- I mean, full tilt boogie lost his shit.

That is not, by any means, the gayest thing I have ever done, though. A friend of mine, in dire need of a job, knew he was not going to pass a whiz quiz so stopped by the house asking for…. erm… clean urine. Since I neither drink nor smoke (Anymore) nor do any form of illicit drugs, my urine is virginal.

Unfortunately he found that the examiner has to ::Watch:: you giving the sample. So the friend in question catheterized himself and inserted a bladderful.

You develop a special bond with a guy whose had your urine in his bladder.

Imagine the stories I won’t tell here.

my sweaty and exhausted wife handed me our child, and I held her in my arms for the very first time.

She was very quiet and sleepy, having just undergone something of an ordeal. She nestled into the crook of my arm and slept.

All parents think their child is the most beautiful, and I understand that, but we had lots of other people tell us she was, and in retrospect, they were right. She was beautiful from the womb and she is now a lovely young woman.

I was warned that she would change my life. I had no idea, nobody does. She still has all of life ahead of her, but I can’t help but think at this moment, Dad would be happy with the job we have done in raising her so far.

You ask for, and sometimes you get the pope you deserve. This one is a doozy.

No doubt this will spawn yet another reformation because people are too damned dumb to understand that they need new hearts, not new religions.

Pray.