Neanderpundit

were reading comicbooks and jerking off to Ellie Mae Clampett, I was reading the Herter’s catalog. yeah, I know, that probably explains a few things; but lord, what a catalog!

You could buy any kind of gun accessory.

Boats, too!

Fishing rods

A minibike. hell, they made several.

THis sucker was the Christmas Wish Book for kids doomed to the sporting life, and I read each catalog cover to cover. Of course, sometimes scraping together the $1 cover price for the catalog was the most I’d be able to scratch together in a year, and that, often as not, had to be enough. My fishing supplies were purchased by Dad, until I could afforsd to myself, in my teens. My hunting supplies were what dad had.

But with the Herters catalog, I could dream. I could look at the cool stuff and think about the day I could be the big game hunter, the professional sport fisherman, the perfectly accessorized sportsman.

Old George Herter was going barking mad, and it showed in the things he did and wrote, but they were incredibly entertaining. if you ever lay your hands on an old catalog, you’ll find it’s an interesting read.

“It Wasn’t Me”
(to the music of this)

(Inspired by this)(Thanks, Tam!)

(Yo’, man) Yo’
(Open up, man) What do you want, man?
(Some mick just caught me) You let him catch you?
(I don’t know how I let this happen) What mick??
(That prosecuter guy Fitzgerald, you know) Man
(I don’t know what to do) Say it wasn’t you
(Alright)

Pat he listened in and caught me red-handed
Creeping with my blow dried hair
Picture this, we were both too greedy, really we were quite a pair

How could I forget that he had
all those wiretaps on me
All this time Pat was listening
He just never took his ears off me

How you can grant the feds access to your phone
Trespasser and a witness while you cling to your bone
You better watch your back before he turn into a jailer
Best for you and the situation to hurry call the bailer
To be a true player you have to know how to play
If he say a corruption, convince him it’s OK!
Never admit to a word when he say make a claim
And you tell him baby no way

But he caught me on the desk phone (It wasn’t me)
Saw me cheating’ on my tax form (It wasn’t me)
I even wrote off taking a shower (It wasn’t me)
He even caught me selling power! (It wasn’t me)

he saw the marks on my notepad (It wasn’t me)
Apparently selling influence is real bad (It wasn’t me)
Heard the screams get louder (It wasn’t me)
Then he showed up on my doorstep

Pat he listened in and caught me red-handed
Creeping with my blow dried hair
Picture this, we were both too greedy, really we were quite a pair

How could I forget that he had
all those wiretaps on me
All this time Pat was listening
He just never took his ears off me

Make sure he knows it’s not you and lead her on the right prefix
Whenever you should see him let him know it’s all fixed
As funny as it be by you, it not that complex
Seeing is believing so you better change your specs
You know he not gonna be worrying bout things from the past
Hardly recollecting and then he’ll go to noontime mass
Wait for your answer: go over there
But if he pack a gun you know you better run fast

But he caught me on the desk phone (It wasn’t me)
Saw me cheating’ on my tax form (It wasn’t me)
I even wrote off taking a shower (It wasn’t me)
He even caught me selling power! (It wasn’t me)

he saw the marks on my notepad (It wasn’t me)
Apparently selling influence is real bad (It wasn’t me)
Heard the screams get louder (It wasn’t me)
Then he showed up on my doorstep

Pat he listened in and caught me red-handed
Creeping with my blow dried hair
Picture this, we were both too greedy, really we were quite a pair

How could I forget that he had
all those wiretaps on me
All this time Pat was listening
He just never took his ears off me

Gonna tell him that I’m sorry
For the pain that I’ve caused
I’ve been listening to your reasoning
It makes no sense at all
We should tell him that I’m sorry
For the pain that I’ve caused
You may think that you’re a player
But you’re completely lost
That’s why I sing

Pat he listened in and caught me red-handed
Creeping with my blow dried hair
Picture this, we were both too greedy, really we were quite a pair

How could I forget that he had
all those wiretaps on me
All this time Pat was listening
He just never took his ears off me