Neanderpundit

Has just come out of Rehab. Cue Amy Winehouse.

Look, Tiger is a kid. His pecker works. He’s probably approached by groupies two hundred times a day. That doesn’t make anything he did right, but I gotta tell you, if I was his wife, I’d be about 15 feet away from him every second he’s not actually holding a golf club, and that includes on the road. You sign up for that life, that’s the way it is. No other way to cut back on that temptation, and he’s a flesh and blood man. Trust me, my devotion to my wife is pretty much equal parts “I would do nothing to hurt her, ever” and “Women aren’t knocking at my door anyway” It’s easy for me to be completely faithful because I’m a fat, ugly annoying SOB with a bad attitude and intermittant gas issues. (edited to add) and broke all the time.

Speaking of which, I’m thinking of opening a sex-addiction rehab facility. I can absolutely guarantee you that if I just hung around in a locked building with any number of women- or, for that matter, men- the prospect of ME being the only available outlet for sexual relations would pretty much put anyone off sex for most of the rest of their lives.

That there was ever a thing so wondrous as the slightly spicy flavor of Chili Cheese Fritos and an icy cold Coca-Cola on a bright sunny day in February, that hints of the promise of spring and a warm summer?

OK, maybe a sloppy blowjob, but still.