Neanderpundit

Just had to go out and spray the beans and peas with rabbit blood and putrescent egg solids. Or so I’m told.

The groundhogs are getting the better of the garden, or will until I can dig up the box of CB caps. Not having much luck with the pellet gun.

In other news, there are actually some welcome visitors.

Amazing to walk up so closely onto a fawn like that. Hope Mom is close by.

If everything goes well, by this time tomorrow I will be duct taped down to the cash-extraction chair having my wrists slashed. As this is an outpatient procedure and performed under a local, I will no doubt have to be heavily sedated- while my hands are shredded with scars, the idea of having them deliberately sliced open skeeves me out. So I’ll be given a shot, no doubt, to keep me well in dreamyland.

I’ve produced a small powerpoint presentation for my captors surgical team that explains the meaning of phrases like “shaved goat” and “lubricated midget”, as well as a hold harmless form should I actually begin blabbing about the weekend with the Archbishop of Canterbury and the 372 rock cornish game hens. Don’t want to damage the poor man’s reputation.

I intend to eat very little, and what I do eat is chosen for it’s self-wiping properties. I’m also following each meal with a large wad of Charmin so it cleans on it’s way out. While the Ogwife certainly seems to love me, I’m not sure she loves me enough to wipe my ass for three days while my hands heal.

I also intend to cajole Vman into masturbating for me while I’m disabled. Adding the extra four/day to his already high workload will probably be tough, but he’s a trooper and I have faith in his abilities. I may need someone to independantly verify he’s working to my standards, though, as I don’t think he has a webcam.

strongly approve of the job Wingnuthead is doing. 24%.

Let’s see that again:

24%

Now some people might think that this is good news. “Oh, the president’s approval is low!!” This is true, but it is not my point. As you go about your day, look around. Just about one out of every four people you see is a blockheaded, addlepated, dimwitted, lamebrain imbecile of a moron who has such a bunch of the purest bullshit stuffed in his or her head that they cannot distinguish between “A good job” and “borscht”

look upon this number, and despair.

24%