Tam is fussing about the brand spanking new remake of Karate Kid.

I’m with her on that. Look, the original worked because of remarkable performance predominantly by Pat Morita, and the fact that most every kid was, at one time in his life, bullied or kicked around. All of it came together so well that “Wax on, wax off” has become part of the vernacular,

There are few films that can be remade, and few people who can remake them. It is possible; witness the three Howard Hawks films starring John Wayne: Rio Bravo, 1959,El Dorado, 1966, and Rio Lobo, 1970. Three movies, same story, one character never changes, and they are all (To me) watchable as ever. If The Duke were alive today and remade this film, I would go see it. In a new york minute.

Another, similar classic, is “Auntie Mame” starring Rosalind Russel, later remade as a musical, “Mame” with Lucille Ball. I prefer the Russel version, but they are both enjoyable to watch. I would go to a theater to watch either movie right this very minute, and if I see them on TV they distract me for hours.

My biggest bitch was with the remake of South Pacific. The slapped this bastard together and released it in 2001, and I can only hope that every remaining copy of it was burned in the world trade center. Sonsabitches.

Look: James Michener’s original work may have been a bit of a dry read, but Rogers and Hammerstein and Josh Logan made it amazing. The acting chops of Mitzi Gaynor, to say nothing of that insanely tasty backside of hers, the voice of Georgio Tozzi, the voice of Thurl Ravenscroft (he sings the part for Stewpot) the chops of ray Walston, the songs… oh, my god, the songs. If you can listen to “This nearly was mine” or ‘Some Enchanted Evening” or “Younger than springtime” and it doesn’t tug at you just a little, your soul is dead.

No, I’m not even remotely gay. Except maybe a little for Vman. But this is what the musical was supposed to be about, supposed to be like. And to try to freshen it up and inflict the “new” morality of it on a 2001 audience ought to be actionable.

How about this, Hollywood. Instead of filling the film cans in your studio vaults full of Madagascar 23, how about you digitally remaster a few of the old movies- movies like South Pacific, or On the Waterfront, or The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, and show those in theaters a couple times a month. I would GLEEFULLY buy tickets AND drop a twenty at the concession stand and suspend my disbelief for a couple hours, sitting in the theater watching Nellie Forbush wash Emile Debec out of her hair, pretending it was 1959, the war still a fresh memory in the minds of most Americans. Don’t remake ’em. Give us the originals again, in all their cinematic glory, they are reminders of far, far better times.